CHAPTER 1: MALFORMATION

>Midwest
>Summer.
>Anon comes to the circus. He has the wind at his back and travel burning in his blood. He wants a job and he doesn't mind getting dirty.
>You approach the outgrowth of bright tents and blinking lights. Children dance around waving overpriced light up toys while parents follow, either to shoot the moment on their phones or gripe about the heat.
>You search for the adminstrators office. You suppose they have a circus-y name like RingMaster or Dung Mover Persuant. As you ponder this you discover you had purchased a corndog. Cursed marketing psychology...
>You feel a plonk on your shoulder.
>You turn and a moment later hear the laughter of children. You cannot find the culprit save for a red ball bouncing on your feet. You reach for the ball.
>Another ball strikes your presented buttocks. This time lightly drunk father's have joined in the laughter. You know this laughter, this is the laughter of humiliation and not the laughter of good times.
>There she was, a clown , a goat clown. She was laughing with the children. Her gestures grandiose like she was trying to show the children how to laugh at someone with extra effort.
 
>The goat clown
>Her fur is white save for painted stars and dots that serves as her clown makeup.
>Her horns are riddled with barbles and bells. She seemed to like waving her head and making them jingle. Her clothes are baggy and bright with alternating colors. Anywhere else she would be obvious but here she blends into seizure inducing background.
>"Sorry about that, thanks for being a sport!" She says as the children quickly lose interest, "You look like you're here on Serious Business!" She changes her tone for the last line to be deep and mocking.
>You blink to get on track, "I'd like to work here. I'm okay with traveling."
>"Do you have any talents?" She says. She has straightened up and seems more serious.
>"I'm a blue ribbon potato sculptor." You state with pride. That skill was your Ace in the hole.
>She responds sharply, "Well, that's not a skill. Completely useless."
>She went to far this time, your tuber sorcery had saved the farm several times. You had made the paper by presenting every presidential candidate (Republican) that visited the county with a commorative spud effigy.
>"Now you see here! I-Aaargh"
>She shoots water into your mouth with amazing pressure. As you struggle against the flow you realize she had bated you into this. The realization makes you want to shout sadly the thought of that makes you keep your mouth open longer, keeping you getting blasted longer, preserving your humiliation for afew more precious seconds.
>You finally shut your trap and cease the violent hydration. Your eyes are pointed like daggers, your heart is beating, your buttocks is sore. You've never wanted to put your hands around the neck of someone as much as you do right now.
>"Haha, got you! Really though, thanks for playing along. The boss office is the white trailer." She points to a white trailer.
>"I-I thanks." You wipe your face. Perhaps you are being a bit critical, you think. "My name is Anon. What's your name?"
>"I'm Dancy! My real name is Nancy but, you know... Clownsonas and all."
>"Oookay. Thanks." You excuse yourself from the conversation when she speaks again.
>"Hey, anon. Thanks for bringing me a corndog."
>You look down at your own corndog in confusion just in time to see her muzzle strike like viper. She pulls back, striping the dog from the stick.
>She waves at you as she skips backwards. Your dog still in her mouth.
>The interview went well, sadly they do not need potato sculptors regularly. So most of the time I'm...
>Straighty the Clown. My whole act is that I stand perfectly still while clowns play tricks on me. I think it's commentary on getting people to smile? Who knows.
>Yes, I spend most of my time with Dancy. The things I do to leave the farm.
---
 
CHAPTER 2: CREW

---

>Starting my new employ as an amateur clown had me working with most of the staff and talent. As it turns out that the staff is infact the talent. When you are not performing you are setting up tents and booths, wiring lights, or selling swag. A sad reality is that the only way you were gifted with only one function at the circus was if you were really really good at it. 
>The first two I worked with outside of a clown-capacity was Ode and Ada: The elephant twins. The two of them were strong enough that most lifting and peg pounding was done between the two of them. Apparently they were from Africa, immigrated to flee a bad situation they said. They both were uniquely friendly and always smiled except when Ada seemed to take a shine to a man, then we found out that Ode does not like men who like his sister...
>The other 'dedicated personnel' was a French acrobatics act that the Circus essentially partnered with to help bring them to the states. Everyone one of them was a bird although their lithe skinny bodies were beaten into a mold, a mold that made their exact species or even their actual gender irrelevant. They were "aile de danse." That was their entire being. On the upside, the web casting equipment and croissants they brought with them supposedly saved the circus.
>That left me and the rest of the clowns. Part time teamsters, part time carnies, most of the time assholes. There was a tight click of Fuggles, Muggles, and Chuggles who apparently were clown collage alumni. Every night I was run through paces of clowning. Not just things like exaggerated movements but next-level stuff. Weird Psyop stuff like how someone's mood averages out in a group or how a child responds to you indicates what kind of broken family he has at home.
>The most useful was more the stretching routines and how to do a gag on purpose to look like an accident and how to make an accident turn into something you did on purpose.
>At the bottom of this monkey barrel was me, Dancy, and Cheesers. The Cheesers were actually a family of mice: Five brothers, one father, and one sister. They were an acrobatic act that was demoted to clown when the Aile act came in and outclassed them. And I do mean clown. With each one being about a knee high they formed a routine where they all piled into one suit and form a giant person. Depending on how they stack their tiny bodies in there they can form a gestalt mouse-clown that's between seven to ten feet. It's like something out of a cartoon. Their favorite gag for them to engage a person and when they are not looking switch who has the 'head' position. Pop in, pop out. I suppose it's funny, but honestly the whole thing terrifies me. I get nightmares where I'm getting chased by a giant with rat heads pouring out of every hole... This might be the reason I haven't gotten to know them much
---

CHAPTER 3: RABID

---


>Dancy, not to my surprise, was abit bipolar with me.  When she was out of her makeup she avoided me constantly.  When she put on her makeup she had no problem talking to me.  For the most part she was nice but she had a sick fascination with pranks.  Sabotaging the lock of a port-o-john then having Ode put me on the roof a moving truck while I tried to escape, for example.  Reporting me to ICE saying that was a was from "Clownstonia" was another.  However, there was one that did not end so well...
 
>"Are you two high?" Said the boss.  His name was Georg.  He was an opossum or dog, I think.  He was completely hairless with loose skin and bright blue eyes.  He was covered in marks and scratches with a scar on his lip that revealed a fang.  The scar made him look constantly on the brink of attacking someone which was just as well because he seemed to be in a constant state of anger.
>"I had no idea what was happening, sir." I said.  Me and Dancy were shrinking in our chairs in front of his ever growing desk.
>"I'll break it down for you:  You..." He points to Dancy, "...Put some shit in his face paint to turn it black after it's put on." He points back to me, "and you didn't notice anything was off for three hours!"
>"I didn't think it would be that bad, boss!" Dancy spoke up.
>"No shit!  You made Mr. Straighty into Mr. Uncle Goddamn Tom!" Dancy had her head low.  I didn't want to see her take more of this.  Sure, she deserved this but she didn't deserve this...? While I tried to make sense of what I just thought I spoke.
>"I didn't know!  I though people were just laughing more that day." I said with a shrug.
>"Then you went for the stage act!" He said leaning over the desk like he was about to pounce.  His teeth chattering as he spoke.
>"No one told me! Muggs and the guys were there!"
>"M, F, and C are method actors. There could be a fire and they would put it out with clown shoes and seltzer water.  You decided to do the car thing, that is the big problem."
>"The car thing..." I said as the warmth left my body.
>"The joke is that they back up the clown car, jump on top of it, then whip you so that you run around like a horse dragging the car behind you like a carriage. Didn't happen like that today, did it?"
>"No..." I said.
>"DID IT?!"
>"No, the car went forward instead of reverse. I got pulled behind the car."
>"And what did they do?"
>"They followed behind and kept whipping."
>"So we have a racial caricature being dragged by a car and whipped."  His gaze again turned to Dancy.  I spoke up again.
>"The crowd thought it was hilarious, to be fair." I said.
>"Yeah, so much they recorded it on their phones.  Now it's on the internet.  Now I'm getting contacting in ways I didn't even know about because of this shit show." He checks his phone and there is a brief silence.  He puts it on his desk to face us.
>"This just in: Mr. Straighty is banned from California."
>"I am so, so sorry boss! I'll do whatever it takes to make this right.  If they knew that it was just me then I'm sure this won't affect the business." Said Dancy.
>"Nah." Georg says as he slumps in his chair, "I talked to the cheesiers.  They are doing something with 'Dummy accounts' and 'influencing public opinion.' They said they used to do it in the motherland.  They are trying to say it was a either you having a horrible medical condition or it was a high level social commentary." He looked out the window and sighed.
>"Even if I fired you both I don't think anyone would care enough to come back." He said quietly.  Me and Dancy paused and looked at eachother.
>"You're both working double shifts to cover for the Cheeses.  Dancy and Mr. Straighty are benched for awhile, understand?  Best to just leave the matter alone.  Still... Maybe I can work this into an advantage."
>With the boss lost in thought we take it as a signal to leave.  Both of us are stuck standing side by side looking over the big top.
>"What the hell, Nancy?" I say to her, "If you wanted to fuck me up you could have not admitted to doing it.  What do you have against me?"
>"I don't hate you!"
>"You barely talk to me and then you pull weird stuff like this.  I'd say you were a child but this shit you pull is complex."
>"I don't hate you!  I just want you to think I'm smart! Understand?!" She says as she trots off.
>You stay in the circus grounds and watch the lights turn off one by one.
---

CHAPTER 4: COUNCIL

---

>”I don't hate you! I'm not stupid.”
>Those words confounded me.  Dancy was not stupid, childish and evil obviously but not stupid.
>After the verbal thrashing me and Dancy endured we had a surprise. As it turns out covering for the chessiers was not was actually doing the job of five people. That meant doing the work two and a half people for each of us. No, the breaks we're not compounded.
>At the end of one day I found myself collapsed in the tent of Muggles, Fuggles, and Chuggles.  They spoke while looking me over in a tone like wizards discussing what to do about an encroaching apocalypse and their many wizened plans.
>After afew minutes I regain enough energy to pay attention. The three address me.
>”Some day, Eh Straighty?”Said Fuggles. He always addressed people by their performer names.
>”I'm okay. Just a little out of shape. Some water and peanut butter sandwiches and I'll be right.” I said, unmoving.
>”What were you doing where this life let's you get out of shape?” Asked Muggles.
>”Potato farmer.”
>”How's the pay for that?” Chuggles said half heartedly. He was busy reading his phone.
>”Wouldn't know, I was the son of a potato farmer.  I was paid in the family getting to keep the farm.” I yammered. At this point I was more interested in dropping across what furniture I was on than weighing what I should and shouldn't reveal about myself.
>”So how is Dancy?” Fuggles clearly was driving at something. “You two have been working slot together lately.
>”What about her? She hasn't handcuffed me to anything or some other ludicrous joke since we got reprimanded. That's a plus. She hasn't really leveled with me besides 'help me with this, please.’ or 'we can't put that in friers anymore.’”
>Muggles spoke up, “Reminds me of my first wife. It was amazing how long you can avoid talking to eachother when you both try.” He produced a pipe and started smoking it. Of course, a font of bubbles came from it.
>”Wasn't that the Korean girl who didn't speak a lick of English?” Said Fuggles.
>”Yes and no. She actually couldn't speak any Korean either. Turns out she was from New Jersey.  Like I said, we didn't talk much.”
>”Wasn't she a rat?”
>”Rat Terrier.”
>”She clearly likes you but can't express it, anon.  Nancy only really expresses herself when she thinks she's detached from her identity.  Her pranks are methods of getting your attention and asserting herself so as she can approach you as an equal.  She likely has poor boundaries and can’t let people close to her while as a clown she can ignore boundaries, forgetting that others have them.” Exposited Chuggles as he looked at his phone. “... Okay, it's slide right.” He continued.
>”Obviously.” agreed Fuggles, with a nod.
>”Clearly.” said Muggles taking another bubbly puff.
>”What a basket case.” I grunted.
>”You are no worse, anon.” Pointed muggles.
>”What do you mean?” The outrage of the incoming lecture sent fire into my blood, I raised one arm in their direction before it limply fell down.
>”With your act. Clearly you express yourself as Straighty emotions you don't feel normally or don't feel secure in.” Fuggles join in the analysis.
>”What do you mean? I just stand there doing nothing.”
>”Quite the opposite.” Fuggles prepared both barrels, “You express love when you get flowers, terror when the flowers explode, sadness, joy, etc. It's quite the pantomime, even if it is subdued under the pretense of Straighty being a metaphor for dehumanized post industrial masculine values.”
>”So, that's what clowns do isn't it?” I payed attention to only the first sentence of whatever that was.
>”There is nothing standardized about what clowns do, anon. That is why clowning is an art form. It uses your inner soul as the brush… but that's all high level clowning.” Said muggles.  “What is more telling is that you thought expressing emotions was 'doing nothing’ is likely showing you come from a strict upbringing.” Muggles puft again, making sure to wait bubbles over my collapsed body.
>”C’mon guys. It's been a long day…” I say. Already I lost the strength to pay attention.
>”You probably should just talk to Nancy, and I do mean Nancy. Dancy already knows what she wants but won't be complete with Nancy holding her back. And I don't think Straighty has the tools for that, Straighty is silent after all.” Fuggles said. People say Clowns are scary, they don't know the half of it.
>”BB is coming.” Chuggles said as he showed his phone to the other elder clowns.
>I drifted away. Last I remember of the night is the three men saying expletives.
---

CHAPTER 5: GNAW

---
>Following my beleaguered chat with the three men, I tried to be more familiar with Nancy.  Upon reflection I realized I was as short with her as she was with me.  I found afew things about her: She comes from Boston and has been a carnie for afew years now. She has family back there but is an only child. Apparently she has a cousin that was raised with her so she isn't an only child in a manner of speaking.
>As we talked more we worked better as a team. I found she was more agile where I was stronger.  She could march up a ladder without even needing to hold it while I could lift things, like Nancy plus change.  I could work faster and harder where she was better at abstract jobs.  We started splitting our jobs up in a way that we worked in tandem using our strengths on a single task.
>My thoughts began to drift with tasks become less frustrating.  I found I missed being Mr. straighty. Missed the show of colors, being able to do anything and have it be funny, and the crushing feeling you get in your chest when you have everyone’s attention, as weird as that sounds.
>I got a look at Nancy. It was terrible.  Not that she wasn't good looking but that once I started looking at her that way I compulsively started looking at her more and more.  When I first met her pile of pajama clothing with a goat head sticking out but now I saw her actual body: She was petite, about a solid foot shorter than me.  B cup breasts, standard really.  She was however digigraded with hooves and all. Her thighs were much thicker and stronger than someone her size and it made her hooves feet seem spindly in comparison.  Her butt I retreat looking at the most. It was tight and jutted out with a wispy goat tail sticking up to the sky.  Likely her butt was just a product of the anatomy of her legs but, I began to think she was intentionally presenting it to me.
>That was it really. Nancydancy was now in my mind. It made working with her incredibly awkward, and pretending I didn't think of her as… whatever I was thinking, was more awkward. Still, I got to hang with her which satisfied me enough.
>But then! Nancy came to me just as we were about to start the morning.  Coveralls and oversized work gloves.
>”Hey anon! You got a letter from home!”
>”Wait really?”
>”Yeah, you farmers communicate to truck loads of shit, right?”
>I hung my head and chuckled.
>”Finally I make you laugh! I was beginning to lose hope.”
>”You say funny stuff all the time, what you talking about?” I said.
>”I've never seen you smile at it, though. Maybe you're just one a laugher.” She said wondering.  All I could do is shrug.
>”Wait, so the crap thing…”
>”Oh no” she said while thumbing behind her, “... The fairgrounds that we are renting  from wants us to fertilize their gardens. We actually do have a truck load of shit for us.”
>”Well that's technically manure.” I point out as I slip on gloves and boots.
>”What is the difference?”
>”One you pay to have take away and the other you pay to have brought to you.  I wrote an essay on it.”
>”Where was that, anon?”
>”Farmer college.”
>We began our literal Herculean tasks.  Manure isn't straight crap, usually it's heavily cultivated and mixed with dirt, compost, and aged.  Really it's no more than typical gardening soil beside it's nutrition.
>Nancy was actually half right: It reminded me of home. That reminder bolstered my confidence.
>The last gig was a flower garden. Hydrangeas, rosmallos, and dozens of local wild flowers cultivated to show local diversity.  They were all in bloom, surrounding us in pastel pink, purple, and red explosions.  It was only me and Nancy there.
>We worked in silence and when finished I saw he looking at me with her mouth open like she was about to say something.  
>The urges I put aside burst forth.  
>I swooped in on her, frantically kissing her. Kissing led to touching her all over, touching led to feeling up her tight breasts, I began to stick my hands down her overalls and she responded by moaning and pulling me close.  I grabbed her ass.  She wrapped on leg around me and licked my cheek sloppily, “Do it, do it anon.” She whispered.
>I maneuver my hands to the front of her pants and give whatever I can grab a honk.
>”Haha, what?”
>I try to smile like I was doing a joke. Yes, a funny joke. With a grip still on her baby-mount I try moving it in a rotating motion. Yes, that's a good trick.
>”Stop, stop, oh God what are you doing?” She said smiling. That smile was the only thing keeping me from just running in the opposite direction.  She began lightly slapping my chest to break it up.
>”You really don't know what to do now, huh?”
>”The most detailed sex education was literally 'Put it in, shoot, and in eighteen years it leaves.” I said. She laughed at that.
>She thought I was joking
>I wasn't.
>I could feel my heart sinking. Was it ruined forever? I felt a hole in my chest and my heart was falling into it.  I felt I had to say it and if I didn't I was going to fall over dead on that spot.
>”Can you… teach me?” I ask.
>”You mean teach you foreplay? How to seduce women?” She said, she had taken on a different smile.  The smile I first saw her with, when she played tricks on me.
>My soul was exposed. There was a castle there of stone. Today has worn it down and nothing was between it and the elements. My mouth opened and unfettered truth came out.
 
>”N-no… I-I want to know how to work you. Just you… not other women.”
>She lost her smile and her eyes went wide. I think I had just said something that left her speachless. “Wow, you're really serious about me.”
>We were interrupted by Fuggles. He told us there was a staff meet.
>Both of us stiff and surprised, we both marched to the tents like robots.
>”I'll teach you, anon. Tonight, okay?” She pecked me on the cheek. “Probably for the best, you smell totally like sh-manure.” She said and immediately trotted off.
>Fuggles, still behind me, played his slide whistle to escalating pitch.
>Goddang it, Fuggles.
---

CHAPTER 6: RAIDER

---
>Dancy was still on my tongue. Dancy’s tongue flavor was on my tongue. Her smell was in my nose, bits of her fur was still on my hands.  My heart was racing, ranking faster than when I escaped a burning barn, faster than when my pa’ blamed me for said barn fire. Hormones coursed in my veins like electricity.  The walk to the staff meeting was a torture.
>”Mate with Nancy” the hormones said.
>”Run her down and mate with her in the open grass, destroy all that stop you.”
>”Run her down, mate in grass, and punch Fuggles. Punch everyone … except Nancy. She is mate.”
>”Nancydancynancydancynancy.” Ended the message of the hormones.
>I needed to chill out, or at least repress the caveman commentary until the right time. Ah, the thought of the 'right time’ hurt like a soft punch in the gut.
>Somehow, I made it to the meet.  There was a new car parked there, a yellow Hummer.
>People gathered around Georg and a tall woman. Everyone was watching them.
>”I'll recap for you three, this is BB.  She is going to be doing a performance act for the season.” Said Georg
>”What kind of stuff?” Said Ode, the towering laborer. He never seemed to take much interest in the performance side of things but this time was different.  Perhaps because the new member was also freakishly large…
>”Whatever a strong man does.” She said.  She was technically a woman but one that looked like some prehistoric feline throwback.  Her body was orange with stripes, she had a tall mane like a male lion, and she had sabertooth teeth.  She stood well over six feet tall.  She was a woman, indeed, for she had a rather obvious rack and every feminine curve swung out but only because of bulging muscle.  She had an intimidating aura, probably just they whole Frankenstein off man-eating cats look.
>Georg elaborated on her brief comment, “Afew weight lifting stunts, using a flaming bullwhip, crowd warmup stuff. BB has some notoriety so that will bring in customers and sell some merch.”
>BB took over the conversation, “That's right.  I get 70% of the proceeds on that crap, don't forget.” She puffed up her chest and addressed us all,  “I want you all to know that I'm here on a favor.  If I want something, I get it.  If I'm in your way, you step aside.  You got an issue you cram it, got it?” Her attempt at intimidation was met with a wall of unimpressed growns. She seem flustered that her threat didn't have the desired effect. I noticed that she spotted me and gave me a once over. The crowd broke up.
>BB made a beeline to me, scratching her teeth for a second before speaking.
>”What's your name?” She said. She used a different tone, it was lighter and with less threat of violence.
>”Anon.” I said. I didn't know what was going to happen.
>She looked straight down at my crotch. After making a move in Nancy I had gotten an erection, which apparently I was sporting this whole time.  I looked down at my engorged member, declaring itself through the denim.  I looked at her and our eyes met. She nodded with an approving smirk and said, “Not bad.  Unload my crap, would you?”
>On the upside, moving forty pound boxes of T-shirts and posters did not sexually arouse me further.
>When. I finished I saw Ode, Georg, and Muggles talking.  BB was sitting on the hood of her truck drinking water. They seemed to be arguing with BB occasionally saying something to them in the distance. Nancy, walked by them slowly.  It was clear she was eavesdropping.
>That saved me the time of doing it myself.  Besides, at least it would allow me to talk to her without begging for sex.  As she approached I walked beside her and tried to talk with our backs turned to them.
>”What did they say?”
>”Muggles seems upset with Georg. He says he knows what BB is a part of and he shouldn't do it.” She gossiped.
>”Oh wow.  Anything else?”
>”BB told me to tell you she is going to been a training partner.” As Nancy said that I looked back at the group. BB was right there looking at me. Our eyes met.
>She opened and pulled the collar of her shirt down.  She flung her Tung and popped a single, large, round tit in my direction.
>”Errgh.” I sputtered. I was stunned with a combination of emotions I could not sort out at that moment.  With my eyes being the third bulging thing today I looked at Nancy, who had been talking this entire time.
>”...I mean I'm not condemning it or anything but I've seen unoperated dudes that look more passing than that.” She said.
>”Uurgh.” I replied.
>”Well, in any case she is only going to be around for afew shows. Probably just wants to make an impression while she’s here. Some people can't turn off, you know?”
>”M-murrrmg” what was wrong with me?  Sure this was the most sexually active I had been since… ever, but I thought I could keep it together.  Especially with…
>”I haven't forgotten about what you said back at the garden, Anon.”
>Crap.
>”I'll swing by your trailer tonight. Clean yourself up good, I've got to get ready myself! Maybe we can have dinner together, yeah?” She waved as she again trotted away from me.
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CHAPTER 7: SLAYER

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>Nancy and BB. Both those woman knocked the wind out of me for different reasons.  Tonight Nancy would come by. What would I even call this? Is it a date? A booty call?
>I sat in my RV. Fuggles, my RV mate agreed to make himself scarce.  I actually didn't have to ask, he said he saw me talking to Dancy and burst into a Monty Python sketch.
>I was getting nervous.  For the third time today my heart was in overdrive.  That can't be healthy. What the hell was she even coming over for?
>”Teach me how to work you.” I remembered. What did I even mean by that?  As my thoughts looped into themselves I heard a knock on the door.
>It was Nancy. She was wearing a frilly camisole top with jeans that enhance a woman’s 'thigh gap’ or so the news reports said. Why was the news my go-to for women’s fashion?
>”Mind if a come in?” She said to pop me out of my daze.  “Oh good, you showered!” She joked as she climbed through the narrow door.
>”Do you want something to drink?” I offered to get things rolling. Perhaps with enough small talk I could articulate what I wanted.  We sat down in the breakfast niche.
>”I'm not drinking anything found in this vehicle.  I've seen Fuggles put absinthe in the water he uses for that squirting flower gag.”
>”That explains a few things…” My mind was shouting that I was blowing it. Time to cowboy up.
>”C’mere you!” I said with hollow confidence. I reached to grab Nancy’s hips and gave her a gentle tug. To my horror she did not follow through.  She only stared at me.
>My arms snapped back to my sides like the cops had just broken the door down. She continues to stare.
>I am losing this.  I bow my head and again open my mouth.  Out comes the words:
>”I don't know how to start a relationship with someone like you…”
>She sat back down and said, “Oh thank God.”
>I was surprised about that reaction.  “What do you mean by that?”
>”Oh, um. Nevermind. H-how do you usually start relationships?”
>”We drink two six packs and then shoot illegal fireworks into a lake.  When we get tired of that we make out in the flatbed of the truck… gentlemen take the side with the spool of barbed wire.” She giggled at the punchline.
>”What? Chicks dig guys with horrible scars on their back!” it seemed we were over the hill.
>”Listen anon, you and me. Do you want us to be serious or casual? Because those are two very different things.” She said.
>”I think we should be serious.” I said after a pause. I never faced such a loaded question before. Was it the right answer? Was it what I really meant?
>She smiled. I took that smile as a sign that I made the right choice.
>”About what I said earlier, I’ll admit I don't know what I meant by it.” I admitted.
>”I think I know…” she said as she glided over and sat on my lap.
>”You want to know more about me, more than words can describe.” She said. It was definitely time for me to keep silent and see where she went with this.
>”Women, to get them to come out… it's like luring a scared animal out of a cave.”
>”That's abit graphic” I said. Luckily she ignored that statement and continued.
>”You have to look them in the eyes.” She said holding my face to point at hers. Her eyes looked like silver brush strokes around two giant dark rectangular gaps. Seeing myself in her eyes calmed me for some reason.
>”You have to feel me.” She said. She gave a slow hot breath in my face. She smelled of gum.  Taking in her air made me feel closer to her.  She grabbed my hand and slipped it under her shirt. I grabbed her breast, she pulled me away from that and put my palm to the center of her chest.
>”My heart, do you feel it?” Her heart was beating fast. She must have been more excited than I could have guessed. She began pecking light kisses on my cheek and lips.
>”Kiss me like that… massage my neck…” she said in a higher, faster tone. The kissing was automatic but the neck part I pressed for.  I slipped my hand up her shirt, gliding along her backside and grabbed the top of her long neck. She arched back moaning as I worked her flesh downward.  I saw her biting her lip and it made me move faster.
>”Oh gead, ya.” She moaned. She had decided and was determined now. She stripped off her jeans and shirt leaving only her panties on. I began taking off my clothes but she interrupted.
>”Let me.” She said, she only managed to get my shirt off and pluck my manhood out before she sat herself on my hips, my Gun stuck between her thighs.  She leaned back and pressed me flat against the niche seat. I narrowly dodged her horns.
>She reached down and began massaging my member, I kissed her neck… mostly to keep my mouth occupied from screaming, “yeah boy!”
>I felt furious, furiously in love if that makes any sense.
>I massaged her belly and worked to below her navel. She guided my hand to her sex and slipped one of my fingers in.  We both sucked in the air around us.  She continued guiding me until I touched a spot on the roof.  Her whole body shook and she whispered, “Right there. Right there, oh ya.” She crossed her legs and squeezed my penis in her thighs. They felt like two cushions stacked together with my finder stuck between. 
>She twisted her neck to make out with me.  It was frantic and sloppy. Both ends of us were getting covered now.  She whispered in my ear, “I wanted you since I first saw you. --made me so fucking wet.” Before jamming her tongue down my throat.
>Her body trembled again and even stronger. She plucked both my hands and guided them to her nipples.  She tightened her thighs hold on my penis and began pumping it with her hips, only a piece of clothing preventing it from me being inside her.  It was more than I could stand.
>But then she said simply, “Anon--anon!” I knew she wanted us to cum together.  Not exactly hard, I had been fighting it tooth and nail since I felt her heart.
>We came together. Breathing fast. I wanted to get up but then she said, “now comes the important part.” And she wrapped my arms around her. And we laid in that exact spot for some time.

>Eventually the glow wore off and the uncomfortableness of the position set in. We got up. I had a burning question.
>”Why didn't we have normal sex?” I said. After having done whatever we had just done I was free of my stilted stuttering.
>She paused and put on her shirt. “I'd love to Anon, but… that was just to work it out, you know?” She concluded. She didn't look at me when she said it.
>”I don't understand.” I didn't understand, “So it's like over between us?”
>”No! No, you said you wanted to be serious. I've asked you like three times today. If it's serious between us then…” Her voice tapered off as she spoke like she lost the words.
>”Then…? You want to get married?” I said. I watched my tone carefully, the way I felt right then I would have happily married her. I had several family members who had marriages spurred by even more reckless instincts.  My family motto could have been, “Got two rings? I'll marry you right here you bitch!” Engraved on the plaque.
>”I want to be in love first.  You, me, both of us in love with each other.”
>”So you don't love me? Because I'm pretty sure I love you.” I said.
>”Me too.” She said as she trotted away. She didn't bother getting fully dressed. The animal in me jutted my head out the window to watch her leave.  It occurred to me only then that her panties were the exact pattern as her costume.

>I sat down and contemplated my life.  Not a minute later there was a knock on the door. Was it Nancy? Fuggles?
>It was BB holding a clipboard.
>”So is this you resting or did you fluff your dick when you saw I was coming?” Oh dear God. My want was still in the breeze. I sped around and pushed it back in my pants so fast I effectively punched it.  The pain I felt was only matched that I would be joining all my uncles who were fired for indecency. Sadly I would be the first to do it accidentally. I sped around with apologies loaded but BB wouldn't hear it, rather, the grin on her face made me think to not say anything.
>”Says on your application you were a first responder.” she said.
>”Volunteer first responder.” I replied.
>”First aid?”
>”Yeah, CPR, first aid, the basics.”
>”Even better, grab a first aid kit and meet me down in the main tent… oh and Anon?”
>”Yeah?” 
>”Go put on that clown getup you wear.”
---

CHAPTER 8: CORPSE

---
>BB wanted me up as Straighty, in the middle of the night, and with a first aid kit. Of all the outcomes I imagined the scenarios that could involve these three things.  Several of them involved me being found in afew days with birds overhead but I dismissed the idea thinking that if I was bringing the bandages then clearly I wasn't supposed to be brutalized, clearly.
>...clearly.
>I slapped myself into Mr. Straighty, grabbed the kit, and entered the darkness.  I found the one tent with lights on and headed towards it.  As I approached I saw figures appearing.  People were heading to the tent.  Rough looking people, some looking violent and some looking just hard.  They walked around me without making a sound.  No one was speaking just marching to the tent with a focused look.
>Everything became clear when I entered the tent.  Bleachers laid out surrounding a fighting ring. This ring did not have four sides or eight sides but five sides.  I could not think of anything more forbidding than a fighting in a pentagon.  I saw the rear door, flap, thing and thought BB would be there.
>I found her there behind the tent sitting on lawn chair.  She was wrapping her fists up in tape.
>”I’m here. What are you doing with all this?” I said, holding the metal kit up.
>”Eh, you know. Bust some heads, get dat Dolla.” She said.
>”I suppose so.  Does Georg know you're doing this?” I said trying to sound tough. The air was dripping with masculinity, most of all from BB.
>”Enough of that crap. We gotta focus.” She stood up and placed a roll of black tape in my hand.  She immediately took off her top, sending her round bossom in my direction. I averted my gaze for many several reasons.
>”Ergmagerd…” I pittered. Something about her tits had an effect on me.
>She turned and said, “Really? I just saw your pecker and you're the one that gets sheepish here?” She thumbed a spot on her back. She wanted me to apply sports tape to her.  I snapped out of it and focused.
>”Shoulder to medius?” I said as I began.
>”Yeah, how did you know?”
>”Little brother was in football league.  Me and all my brothers were, actually, but we never had tape back then.”
>”How old was he?”
>”Six.  Preschool league.” I said applying generous application again of tape.
>She glanced back with a smile. She bared a lot of fangs but it couldn't be helped with her.  
>”So what am I doing here?  Am I some sort of cutman or just general medical aid?” I said.
>”You also sell the t-shirts.” She added. She walked away and put her top back on.  I followed her back into the tent.  There we saw several men next to the ring. Five guys at least with tattoos, shirts off, some actually dressed in boxing shorts. 
>”Those are guys. You fight guys? You don't fight ladies?” I interjected.
>”That reminds me…” she said reaching into her shirt.  After a second she produced something and handed it to me. “Hold that for me.” She finished before entering the forsaken ring.
>It was a brass barbell piercing.  It felt warm.
>”Urgh” I said realizing what it was.  I looked up just in time to see her straight punch in perfect form.  The man receiving that punch took it and fell flat, unmoving.

>What followed was one of the worst beatdowns the state had ever scene and we were not far from an Indian War battle site.  BB had unique malice and strength when it came to fighting and there being no rules served her all the better.  When she struck there was the popping of bone and the smack of crushed flesh. The local volunteers tried going at her one on one and when that didn't work they tried to rush her as a group.  Even though they hit her many times it seems like she had a natural instinct to strike back rather than recoil. The more professional fighters could defend themselves but that usually lead to tapping out from limb injuries rather than direct head and body.
>I tried my best to treat the men.  BB seemed like a predatory killing machine when I saw her but seeing her speed and unflinching brutality had me convinced she was a monster that naturally preyed on human beings.  My first aid skills we not nearly enough.  At best I could hand out ice packs, aspirin, and tell them to go to the hospital.  I saw that one of them had pulled a switch blade, at some point she had crushed his hand and the weapon was jammed amongst his bloody crooked fingers.
>The crowd was rowdy.  They had come in buzzed and seeing the violence got them more excited. When the faint hints of ransacking the place started to spread around the crowd there were flashing red and blue lights. They left in a hurry. I too was about to run, as blood splattered clowns usually aren't treated well by the police, but seeing BB laugh made me realize it was actually simple lights she had arranged to scare them off.
>I then remembered that BB might need first aid.  Despite winning she had taken more than a few hits.
---

CHAPTER 9:CUDGEL

---
>It was a rough night. The sweat and blood splashed on dirt at ungodly hours reminded me of home.  Not in a good way but a reminder all the same.
>Me and BB finally sat down in her trailer.  It was large and cushioned.  It was more like a party bus.  The fact she could stand upright inside it was a testament to the fine living she had here.  Distraction aside, she needed to be checked out.
>I started with her head and worked down. She had cuts but nothing to show a concussion.  Most of her body was hard as a rock and outside of bruising to the side she seemed fine.  For all of it she was uncharacteristically compliant.  Her opponents would usually have swung at me by this point.  Better talk to her to check for brain damage.
>”Hey BB, remember when I asked if Georg knew? You kinda dodged me back there.” I asked.
>”His idea. Why do you think I'm here?” She replied.
>”To tell See-shirts.” I joked, it did come out right. She sat on the couch across from me with her arms back and and her legs wide.  Clearly no direct connection.
>She smiled at that and said, “That too. The states we are hitting have laws against fighting sports as entertainment.  So we give them what they want but on the down-low.”
>”That seems risky.  Isn't anyone afraid of cops showing up? Or at least a wrongful death?  I saw one of those guys getting carried away, he was not moving.”
>”Police have more important things than busting us. If anything to avoid the paperwork.  They're big boys. Everyone knows it's taking a chance doing this stuff.”
>”What about you? What if you get hurt?”
>”I roped an ass-clown to be my cutman.” She said as she scratched her chin. She wasn't looking at me and her smile was gone. Perhaps best to take the hint and change the subject.
>”So, why do you fight men? I thought they didn't mix genders for this sort of thing.”
>”Used to when I started.  I just was too strong, too big--”
>”And your punches rend flesh from bone.” I joked. She smiled again.
>”...So they started putting me against men. Great for the diversity ticket.  That's why they call me 'BB’ now.” She finished.
>”What does BB stand for… oh.” I said.  I figured it out before I had finished the sentence.
>We shared afew beers before I decided to turn in. BB was not so threatening after getting to know her. She was brash but her forwardness was simply how she was.  Her first impression of being a dangerous bully faded and she seemed more of a woman who was louder than she was dainty.
>I left her trailer. The time was now 4am.  Work was going to suck.  Would I even get paid for tonight? Ah, we pack up and move again tomorrow so that should save afew kids the site of a clown pass out on his feet… they might like that, actually.  In my stirring I found BB’s barbell. I had forgotten it the whole time.  I turned around and returned to her trailer.
>Perhaps it was the exhaustion, trauma, or alcohol but I didn't think to knock and just burst forth.
>There I saw her.  I saw her in parts: her giant fangs were on the kitchenette beside her golden main. She stood down the trailer in shower, steam puffing out. The shower door was open.  I could hear her distinct deep voice moaning away. Her figure leaned forward with an arm against a wall.  Overcome with embarrassment I placed her nipple piercing next to her fangs and tried to slip out.  
>The second they hit the floor I noticed a silence from her. Only the sound of the shower now. Perhaps She didn't notice me?
>I then heard deep sexual moan in my direction. I could have sworn I could have felt the vibration from it's power.
>I looked at her. She was looking right at me. Her eyes were different than Dancy’s. Dancy’s looked like music, BB’s eyes were gold and intense. They looked like an energy. An energy that pulled you in.
>There was something else in her eyes: Worry.
>I looked at her then I looked at the mane and the fangs. Her, fangs, mane. Her, fangs, main, nipple, fangs, mane, her.
>Without her saberteeth and bush of fur around her neck I realized she didn't really look cat like. She also didn't look dog like.  Her face was shorter like a cat but with a broad nose.  She had a sort of mohawk off her back neck at least. There was one final that confused me more; her crotch was bare. No fur at all.
>”You're not really a dinosaur lion! Also… sorry sorry sorry!” I blurted out. I waved my hands up and bowed my head.  She spoke and it snapped my face forward.
>”Guess you know my secret… want to know another? Fighting makes me horny.”  She had been casually approaching this whole time and she was now inches from me. My eyes were chest level.
>”Rrurooo!” I sputtered.  Perhaps I had been hit in the head and didn't notice?
>”Focus, Anon. You're still my assistant until the sun is up. Help me with this? She said with the familiar gaze.
>Perhaps it was the exhaustion, trauma, or beer but I nodded. She immediately grabbed my collar and in one brutal motion tore my clown suit down to my feet.
>”Yeah, I'm not into that.” She said as she gestured for me to stand in the shower.  She gripped my member and began stroking it rapidly. Feeling the moment I tried kissing her on the mouth but she turned away.  I saw her roughly massaging one of her breasts and I began working the other.  I was hard the second I saw her naked.
>I can't explain why I was going along with this, actually.  Something about her flabbergasted me. More than that I think I felt a primal unconscious attraction to her.  That, or the beer and repeated flashings won me over.
>She got on her knees and put all my manhood in her mouth.  She took long, strong draws on it. I looked down and she was already looking at me. She pressed her teeth, her real teeth, down into my flesh. Just enough to get the sensation of being scratched. Her bites, her mouth tongue, her warmth, and her eyes had me.  I shot my load and she caught it with open mouth. 
>Without pause she stood up and tapped me to tell me it was my turn now.  I went down and she put her leg against the wall. Although her bald snatch was remarkably muscled and puffy it seemed odd. I focused. 
>I purged all thought of taste from my mind and glided my tongue in special formation. Immediately it took effect.  BB exhaled hard, blowing her breath on my scalp.  My hands were feeling her back and hips, I simply did not know what do do with them.  I felt her grace forward over me like a swamp lily. I could hear her slight moans reverb through her body until they were loud as when I first came.  Not a second later she was louder than that. Her leg slipped off the shower wall and she toppled down on me.
>She laughed without thought and said, “Couch come one Anon!” She helped me up and she wobbled over to the couch.  She sat splayed out as before, her legs twitched and she looked longingly at me. She was presenting herself, maybe she had been doing that all this time and I refused to notice.

>Without a word I was about to insert my rod into her but Nancy was there. She wasn't there in the trailer but she was still with me.  I felt we agreed we could not do it but that look on BB’s face...  I knew she needed more and not out of evil lust. She had a deep need.
>I again got on my knees and faced planted her snatch.  After afew seconds she pulled me up and laid down on the couch.  
>”Let's team it here” she said.  She pulled me by the hip towards her head and patted her vagina.
>I straddled over her head and faced down at her sculpted body. Again I went down on her VGG and tried my best from the position.  She swallowed my pecker whole. It was a new experience to do the same thing but technically upside down but there was something else. Her legs squeezed my head when she twitched and our bodies rubbed together. Her body was hard and unbelievable warm. Her heart was beating like a drum, a large, hard drum.
>The to of us tetter-tottered until we found each other's rhythm. Once we had became fanatic in pleasing each other.  Eventually she twitched and I felt her muscles tighten up in a wave. She bite down on my manhood and by sheer shock I ejaculated as well...or bled.  The night had taken its toll.  We broke up our huddle and laid for awhile.
>”Where did you learn to handle a pussy like that?” She said.
>”I saw an R-rated comedian on TV when I was a kid.  He had a bit about, you know.  I misinterpreted it and got in trouble for licking feline classmates, long story short.  I never actually thought to try that until I saw you naked today. I was just doing what he explained in his act.  I had no idea if would have worked for you.” I explained.
>”Seriously?”
>”Yep. For the record you like vowels. Why did let me go through with all this while I was wearing clown makeup?” I asked. The question came in retrospect.
>She crawled over on top of me face to face and said, “I really liked Sting.” She then gave me a deep, probing, open-mouthed kiss.
>We both noticed orange rays piercing the windows.
>”Suns up Anon. You best get back.” She said with her usual grin.  I put on the poor, tattered costume and was about to set off when I turned to her.
>”I'll see you… probably in the next few hours.  It was nice tonight, BB… except for that guy. If the cops show I'm claiming I never saw him.” I said.
>”You bet! See you later, Anon. Oh, and tell anyone about tonight or  my get-up and...” she ended that sentence slowly making a fist, her knuckles made loud pops as she did so.
---

CHAPTER 10: REFORGE

---
>I awoke. My body ached and my eyes ached even more. After working in BBs fighting arena as a merchandiser and medic, followed then by spending the rest of the night buried in her crotch… I was spent.  The three or so hours of sleep I snuck in seemed to make me feel worse than when I first passed out.  On the upside today was a moving day.
>At the end of the circus’ stay we would spend the day packing up everything onto a truck and hauling out to our next spot.  Thanks to modern engineering every ride, tent, and booth was designed to fold up, collapse down, and latch into a flatbed unit of a cargo truck.  Even though this was convenient there was still the several miles of electrical cords and tons of cheap Chinese plastic merchandise to box up. Moving day came easy to me because it was simple hard work.  No emotional investment and all you needed was blood in your muscles. No worrying about how people will react or how you look.
>My folly started me right in the face when I opened the door.
>Nancy was looking at me. She had her hands on her hips and a grim expression on her face.  
>”Get over here, mister!” She said. When did I become a Mister?  Her tone was seemed not serious, like she was imitating someone.  She must have found out about last night with BB.  My heart sunk and prepared for the worst as I walked up to her.  No, I would not cower here.  I will be proud and let me be judged on my actions.  I had my finger to the sky and my mouth open to explain exactly what had happened and how I felt.
>I walked up in front of her and the earth consumed me. I stepped forward and plunged into the earth like some it was a hole. I fell in with the speed of a bullet and the dirt and grass rolled over my head like a wave. Naturally I panicked.  Then, like every farmer in these situations does, I made a list of why God has done this to me:
>Abandoning your family homestead
>Cavorting with the unscrupulous, drunkards, and possible illegal immigrants. Basically carnies in general.
>Fornicating with two animal-women. Kinda sorta being unfaithful to the first animal-woman by fornicating the second.
>Fornicating with animal-women outside of marriage.
>Spilling my seed three times and making baby Jesus cry. Probably more.
>Kissing a goat. 
>Kissing a female wrestler.
>Eating non-kosher meat.
>Yes, this was the anti rapture!  For the intricate, compounding sins I wrought god has reached down from the sky and with the thumb of judgment and he has pressed me into the ground so as that I may be first in line for hell’s punishment! I see the horned figures! The snakes of beelzebub ensnare me even now!
>Ode pulled me from the water pit.
>I start hacking up the water and grass I swallowed.  Nancy is by my side.
>”Oh god, Anon! I'm so sorry! Oh God, oh gahd.” She shouts.
>She began pummeling my back to help me cough up water.
>”Nancy, I dun eat the cat’s roast beef!” I say to her.
>”Its okay, it's okay. Just get it all out.” She said as she thwapped my back.  She turned to Ode and said, “What the hell? How fucking deep did you  make that hole?”
>”About ten feet.” Said Ode.
>”That's too deep!”
>”I didn't want him to hurt his leg when he fell in!”
>”Gawd, this is all my fault! Anon, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!” She pleaded.
>”Hello, do you go by Satan or Mephistopheles these days?” I mutter. My mind was hovering at about fifty percent coherent. Perhaps I was not doing as good as I thought.
>”Does anyone know CPR?!” Nancy shouted.
>I raised my hand up.
>”We have to get him inside! Does anyone know where the first aid kit is?”
>I raised my hand up again. Wait, we only have one?
>The brought me back inside my trailer and laid me down.  Nancy explained what happened: She wanted me to fall in a hole so she got Ode to dig a pit, fill it with water, and she threw dirt and grass on the top to disguise it. Unfortunately Ode is freakishly tall and thus dug the pit deep enough to go well over my head. Further all the loose dirt made the water thick enough that nothing would float in it. To top it off, Nancy used sawd instead of just piling on normal loose dirt so that the trap looked completely normal.  Turns out the sawd acted like a trap door and when I fell in it was thick enough to keep me from getting to the surface. Severe exhaustion was probably a factor as well.  I had been given the day off.  It was me and my trailer-mate Fuggles. I was incapacitated, he merely sleeps through moving days.
>Nancy also assumed my shredded clothing was from the trap as well, so she thought  I was injured in there.  It sent her guilt into overdrive.
>The rest was welcome though.  I didn't think this life was as physically demanding as back on the farm but thinking back we had a more balanced life.  Hot showers, good food, and taking care of ourselves after a long day.  Circus life was a constant beat with long hours and miserable living conditions, comparatively speaking.
>I suddenly remembered the Deep Probing Kiss (ch.9).
>I began hacking again.  I turned to Fuggles and said, “Stop pretending to sleep. Give me a swig of water, man.”
>Fuggles aimed his flower at me and fired in a glass of water.  I slug it down and spat it out.  I was glad Fuggles didn't like repeating jokes.
>”So is that mixed with water or do you just pour the bottle in?” I asked.  The alcohol burned my mouth and numbed my gums.  I took solace in that the stronger it was the more likely my mouth was disinfected.
>The day was ending and I could hear trucks reving up. We would be on the road again soon.  I laid in my bed contemplating what to tell Nancy.  I was essentially back to where I was this morning.
>At that moment there were to knocks then Nancy came into the trailer.
>”Hey Anon, I wanted to see how you were doing before we hit the road.” she said.  She looked just as worried as before. She sat on the bed beside me.
>”Nancy, I've done things.” I said to her. It was better to get it out there…
>”I know about last night.  BB explained that you helped her disassemble stage riggings all night.  Because her stage isn't packed up as easily as everyone else’s” she said, her ears drooping more than usual.  Perhaps I should roll with it if BB already gave me an alibi.
>”You probably hate me.” She said.
>”Uh, no. Why?”
>”I could have killed you today because of this dumb joke.  You could still develop pneumonia.  If that happens you could be laid up so much you won't be able to be here anymore.” She fretted.  She was beginning to lose herself thinking about these worst scenarios.  I put my hand on her leg.
>”Hey, don't worry so much.  It was just an accident.  You didn't mean any harm, I'm sure.  If I get sick I go to the doctor and there you go.” I said. This was more me overworking than her stunt.
>She laid down on top of me. She snuggled her head into my chest.
>”I went too far with that joke… it's just that you're so damn adorable! I can't resist.” She said.  I raised an eyebrow.
>”I want us to be together.  If I know you're mine I won't go to such lengths for your attention.” She continued. I raised two.
>”You bet your ass! So does this mean that last night…?” I said. I trailed off hoping that she would finish with something positive.
>”Call it a first date.  I should let you rest.  We can talk about it more at the next stop over, okay Anon?” She said as she got back up. She made her way to the door and stopped suddenly.
>”Okay, I might keep up the gags. Just little stuff.  I need to get my kicks. Sleep well, Anon!” She said with a wave. She seemed in much higher spirits.
>I felt much better.
---

CHAPTER 11:ASSAULT

---
>Our circus had packed up and moved down the road.  Traveling from one place to another took at least two days not to mention any possible delays like a truck breaking down or crew getting lost.  It was a pretty good chance for us to interact outside of what we would call work.  I got to know my circus-mates pretty well. 
>This time for once I had something going.  Nancy and I were now a couple hot on the heels of our 24-hour anniversary. I hadn't seen her in 23-hours since we were in separate vehicles in the convoy.  I was given the task of driving one of the RVs, Fuggles was my copilot.  It is an unsaid thing but most critical conversations happen when two men are driving.  Fuggles had silently witnessed our romance and my encounters with BB.  He gave me some advice:
>”Don’t tell her, ever.  Goat women are the head-butting type and Boston women are the jealous type. Put them together and she will hate you forever, which is when you'll come out of the coma she head-butts you into.” He said. Fuggles was manning a large, worn map and a radio set to keep in contact with the convoy.
>”It's hanging over me.  I feel like at any moment it's going to slip out. Doesn't she have a right to know?” I replied.
>”Straighty, life is about perceptions.  You grew up in a house, yeah?”
>”...Yeah?” The question seemed very odd but on reflection I suppose there are people who grow up in mobile homes, apartments, and other non-fixed structures.  Those poor bastards.
>”Well, what if I told you your house was built over a mass grave?”
>”Like an Indian burial ground?”
>”These days they are Native Americans.”
>”Actually in the state we are now they official preferred to be called Indians.” I wasn't against the term, I just had a large knowledge of cowboy and Indian facts.
>”Really?”
>”Oh yeah.”
>”Huh. Anyway, this grave. This grave see? It's not even a burial ground. It's a mass grave.  At some point somebody slaughtered thousands of people and put them in a hol- er… trench.  Sometime later that's where your house is.” Fuggles said waving his hand.
>I took a moment to pause and look where we were, this state was incredibly flat but the landscape was beautiful.  Mountains in the distance looked like expertly decorated cakes, cakes that we're supposed to be desert mountains.  I gave Fuggles his answer.
>”That's pretty creepy.  Is my house haunted in this scenario?” I said.
>”Not a lick.  But it changes how you see your house, wouldn't it?”
>”Yeah, I suppose so. At least would explain freakish calcium levels.”
>”Sure thing, spud-sherpa.  The thing is that is what perception is, yeah?  The bones were under your house before you got there. They were there during every happy moment you had and every bad moment. Them being there affected nothing, it's you knowing and how you react that does affect you.” He said.  I nodded and tried to meditate on these words.  “Anon, you’ll be happier if you just forget about the past and focus on the present. You and she weren't a couple when you did it so what does it matter?” Fuggles said.  My eyebrows perked up.  He called me by my actual name instead of my clown alias.  This must be something serious, I wonder if he faced this dilemma himself.
>”Well, I didn't really have sex with her.  I couldn't, you know, put it in. I kept thinking of Nancy.” I rationalized.  I could see his point, it wasn't that Nancy needed to know but that it wouldn't change anything except make things worse.  When she saw my dick she didn't break out a comparison chart with any former boyfriends she might have had.
>”Hey! See, that's stand up guy stuff!” He said.  I felt that whatever Fuggles was revealing back there he must have closed it back up.  There must be a story there, maybe he'll talk to me about it in time.
>”Hey Fuggles, get on the squakbox and tell Nancy's car that I'll buy whatever she wants next stop over.” I said with enthusiasm. Past is the past, Nancy is my girlfriend now and that's all that matters
>”Ten-four!” Fuggles said with a salute.  He chatted on the radio and turned to me and said, “She wants a ring.” He waited for me to take a swig to say that.  I did a spit-take and he laughed like someone possessed.

>The next stop over came in the form of a convenience/gas station called Stop-O’s.  It was surrounded by a desert of red clay sand and down the road we could see the mountains inviting us.  This place was remote, not another building in sight.  I remember these sorts of places being called the last stop getting away from civilization or the first stop on your way back.
>I rushed out of the RV into the parking lot.  I was eager to see Nancy again. I heard Nancy’s familiar clopping behind me and when I turned around she leapt into my arms. We spun for a bit and then ran into the store hand in hand.
>With her everything seemed more colorful and interesting.  Crappy sunglasses, overpriced candy, and everything else made us laugh to no end.  Our jokes about the goat pill section lead Nancy down a naughty train of thought.  She kissed me on the cheek and hand in hand we ran to the store bathroom. A moment of hesitation struck and I glanced to the register only to see the clerk fawning over BB in aviators. She was defense in a way.
>With a tug Nancy pulled me into the bathroom. We had apparently traveled through a portal, since places like this we're modest yet invaluable to travellers and how travellers we're the lifeblood of the state’s economy that the bathroom was nothing short of extraordinary.  Marble floors, black marble counters, art deco stalls, the latest in faucet and plumbing technology, even a flat screen streaming weather data for the region.  It was not what I imagined making love in a bathroom would be like.
>We kissed deeply and she slipped her hands down my pants. She grabbed it with both hands and squeezed.  We broke kiss-contact and she started pecking my neck while she stroked me in a boxing pattern. Her chest was pressed against mine, her heart was picking up speed and she took a deep breath.
>She stepped back, pulled down her pants, and sat on the bathroom counter. Her legs spread and she showed her sex.  She was puffy and blushing red like a ripened fruit, covered in mucosa. 
>I took the initiative and put my face to her pussy. I spread her lips and began to draw on her.
>”Whoa, hey, hello!” She shouted.  Her voice getting higher pitched and more arousing with each step.  She lost focus and slipped down the counter. Her firm butt hanging over the counter and her legs wrapped around my head, mostly so she wouldn't fall to the floor.
>Her voice was like a song to me. She would grab my hair and we would make eye contact. She twisted and heaved as she orgasimed, all the muscles in her hips we're strong, it felt like her lips honked my nose.  “Anon… Anon!” She said I stood with my spear ready to go.
>”No, stop Anon. I'm not ready for all the way, yet.” She said with pleading eyes. I was prepared to shout curses to God for this fate when she finished with the words, “Just the tip, okay? Please?”
>”I-I don't think I can control it like that.” A detached part of me said that with Frank honesty.  Most of me wanted to bully her and fully penetrate her.  That part of me was screaming that pretty loud right now.  I wanted to fuck her and never stop.
>”Let me do it.” She said, her voice was a siren’s call. I walked up and she grabbed my penis. She put it right to her lips and began stroking it. Her piston-pounding drove me wild but not as much as me getting inside her just enough to part her.
>She put her hand to my cheek and we looked at each other for a good minute, as I was about to cum she fousted my member up and I splattered over her belly.  I wonder how she knew I was cumming.
>I slipped my arms under her and lifted her up. She wrapped herself around me. She started telling me no but stopped when she realized I just wanted to hold her.  She set her legs on my feet.
>”Love you.” I whispered in her ear.
>”Y-you too.” She whispered back.
>We stood there holding each other for an eternity.  Like glass it was broken, though, when we heard Georg’s voice.  He was telling Fuggles to step aside, apparently.
>The portal swung wide and Georg appeared. He looked at me and Nancy and simply said, “Anon, I need to speak to you in private.” He then closed the door.  He seemed unphased that me and Nancy were hugging each other while our pants were around our ankles.
---

CHAPTER 12: TEMPEST

---

>Georg had called me out of the bathroom and away from the loving embrace of my Goat-Girlfriend.  Nancy and I shared a concerned look before I headed out.  In the convenience store proper I saw my boss at a table in the back.  He looked right at me with a serious expression.  I sat down across from him, the small table had our knees touching and us within biting range of each other.
>”Check this out.” He said after pulling something up on his phone.  It was a picture of me in my clown regalia at BB’s fight from a few nights ago. I was kneeling over a man and applying gauze. Blood was splattered on me.
>”Oh… I’m sorry boss.”
>”For what?” He asked.
>”For letting someone record the fights that are supposed to be secret?”  I guessed. I really didn't know, I just assumed I was in trouble. 
>”If it was secret then no one would come.  No, apparently you got some fans. It took awhile before they connected your character to that godforsaken blackface incident.” He said before flipping through his phone again. He showed me comments from people making up jokes about how 'Mr. Straighty’ was a rude clown who, apparently, had very controversial opinions on vaccines and minorities.  Of note were meme images of Mr. Straighty frowning with blood spritzed on his face.
>”So I'm not allowed to be Mr. Straighty?” I asked.
>”Actually I printed a load of these t-shirts with these images on them.  I’ll sell them away the main walkways. Less mainstream attention the better.  We just need to make sure to keep these guys separated from the normal customers… We are also denying Mr. Straighty ever existed.”
>”So what should I do? Just burn the costume out back?” I asked.
>He shook his head and said, “No, Anon.  Now that you are a thing you should keep the Straighty thing for the fights and make up something new for the day time. We’ll figure it out as we go.”
>”Maybe I could be like a doctor clown with a name like band-aid.” I mused.
>”Yeah, uhuh.  Shop it and get back to me when you're finished.” Georg said dismissively.  The conversation had ended afew sentences ago as far as he was concerned and he focused on his phone.  By the speed of his tap-typing and his piercing gaze he was surely doing important work stuff.
>Just then, half the circus crew burst into the station. Even the French high wire group came inside, and they normally went to great lengths to avoid interacting with the rest of us.  I quickly heard why they rushed inside for with each opening of the door the whipping winds outside howled and thundered.  With every person they were announced by the rumbling of air pressures and then silenced by the ringing of the door’s bell and the subtle pop of the door closing the wind off.  
>Looking outside the windows I say the reddish dirt flying and swirling.  Our caravan slowly disappeared into the red cloud as if it were islands we were sailing away from.
>At that point Muggles came out of the bathroom, hitched up his britches, and said, “Hey guys, the T.V. in there says a windstorm is about to hit!”

>We were all packed in the station to take refuge from the storm outside. So many of us were in the store that it was standing room only.  To be honest this was pretty much what the circus itself was but in a much more cramped space.  By luck I was stuck in the corner with the File de France guys.
>”Ugh. So much fatty food.  I feel fat just looking at it.” Said one goose lady.  Top down dressed in spandex and even standing idle she held a perfect toe stance.
>”I'm sure the have organic stuff. Besides, the storm shouldn't be more than an hour.” I replied.
>”Oh sure, American organic!” She replied.  The other birds in the troupe began their french laugh.  The terrible echoing ‘hon hon hon’ sent a chill to my soul.  I knew that was the sound I would hear on the day I die.  Still, I never got to talk to these guys so I decided to grill them a bit.
>”So what do you guys eat then, Miss…?” I left my sentence hanging to get her name.  In her red, evil french gaze she locked onto me and crinked her long goose neck close to my face.
>”I am a sir, sir!” He honked.  I looked the person up and down and was seconds from snorting and calling him a liar when across the room a riot broke out.
>I looked over to see BB stumbling back and knocking over a rack of chips.  Opposite of her was a very angry Nancy, head down and reeling back from giving BB a head butt. She spun around to me and gave me a look similar to the one the man-girl goose had just given me but a hundred times more intense.  Like an arrow she slipped through the crowd straight to me.
>Fuggles advice was for naught. I was sure now that she found out I had slept with BB and I was about to be dumped. I was about to be head-butted into a slushie machine, to be precise.
>Instead she just windmilled her fists on my chest and shouted, “That's how it is huh?  I met you and you tried honking my pussy!  Next time you're a master  bean flicker with your tongue, huh? You little shit! What, just working your rounds? Getting practice on who you want?  Fuck you and your steroid bitch!” She shouted. Going 2-0 on bad decisions that day I tried to talk to her.
>”Nancy, you're embarrassing me.” I said in the most pitiful, whiney voice I could.  In my defense it was not an actual thought out response.  At that moment there was a raffle box of random generic statements in my head and that one was what was pulled.  The runners up were: “Let's talk about this later.” And, “How about we go get ice cream and forget about this?”
>My words hit a nerve. Her lip crinkled and her eyes water. 
>”Is it I'm not good enough?! Huh? Shove your dick up your asshole, fuckshit!  Leave me alone!” And she marched clear out the door and disappeared into the cloud of sand and dirt. Last thing I heard her say was, “I hate this world!”

>My brain was wet but it was drying up.  The fluid in my spongy head was protecting me from the dangers of shame and the severity of the situation.  When Nancy walked out of the gas station into the swirling vortex of red dirt this protective juice began evaporating.  Without it worry and doubt began to fill my mind. My brain had completely dried out when Fuggles got someone on the radio who was still waiting in the RVs and they didn't see Nancy come by.
>Sure, visibility was zero and winds we're strong out there but could someone have gotten lost out there when they only had to travel about a hundred feet? If you were sulking because of your hayseed boyfriend’s infidelity then you could easily have gotten lost out there, I thought.
>”I've got to get out there!  This is all my fault.” I declared with a sense of machismo.
>Chuggles and Fuggles stopped me before I reached the door.  “Let's not have two people missing out there.  We should be smart about this.” Chuggles said.
>Immediately everyone helped assemble a rescue suit out of the cheapest materials and technologies they could find.  BB slashed eye-holes in a bandana and put it over my face, adding glasses and a ball cap made my eyes impenetrable to the sand. Rubber bands on my wrists and ankles made my clothing sand-proof. What little of my skin was exposed was slathered with aloe vera to act as a slimey armor.  
>Chuggles outfitted my weapons.  Not one, not two, but four headlamps crowned me.  With them all on I was a lighthouse. He gave provided an air horn which he banded to my hand in case I dropped it.
>Lastly was the evac gear.  Muggles found a 32 oz. bottle and filled it with ice water.  He jammed it into the back of my pants for storage. Fuggles gave me one end of his world-record length joke hanky.  Fuggles would feed me line to keep me from getting lost. When, not if, I found Nancy I could use hanky to find my way back.
>I looked very, very stupid.
>With many pats on the back from my rescue team support I pushed open the door and stepped into the storm.  Immediately I understood how this could happen for not only was the dirt so thick it blocked your vision but it also painted.  The ground, the vehicles, and the gas station behind me we're being coated in the red and we're camouflaged by it.  Without eye protection I doubt anyone would be able to know where was what out here.  I checked my numerous headlights and began walking.
>Now was the time for critical thought.  Where could she have gone? Assuming if she when straight out from the station she would have hit a rig in the convoy which we know didn't happen.  That means she must have veered off left or right. Still still walked forward in hopes that I'd stumble upon her and that this whole thing would actually be easy.  No such luck.  I thought to find the wind direction and head that way.  I doubt she would have wandered against the wind.  I stuck my hand up for a minute and watched which side got more dust on it.  The left side was being pelted with granules so that must mean she drifted to the right, if my logic was right.  I let out an air horn blast and trekked that way.
>In the storm I could only make something out when I got close.  A log there, a bush there.  Each shape skewed in my mind to look exactly like Nancy until I was close enough to be proved wrong. I only knew was that I was no longer walking on pavement anymore.  I fired a sound from my airhorn and decided to switch directions.
>I found a gremlin. A busted old car.  Judging by the dirt that was building around the tires that it hadn't been moved in awhile. Perhaps it could help me, I thought.
>I jumped on the hood of the car and shouted Nancy’s name along with blasting my horn. I heard someone call my name but only faintly.  I shouted and fired sound rounds, I heard my name again! The miracle had happened! Dressing up like the bargain basement full spectrum warrior worked!
>”Nancy! Nancy I can hear you!” I shouted and the used the air horn.
>Far below my hearing I could hear the faintest words. I used my horn again and waved my lights vigoriously.
>”I'm here, Anon.” I heard.
>”Nancy! Nancy, I can hear you but I can't see you!”
>I could feel the wind picking it up.  It felt like a real hand trying to pull at my leg.
>”I'm down here! Stop shouting, Anon.” Said the wind…?
>I looked down to see a dirt covered Nancy scowling at me. Before it registered I blasted the horn to the rythm I had built up during my search.  She scowled harder at me.
>I hoped off the car and battered her with apologies and questions. She tried to talk but the invasive sand storm reduced her to hacking and spitting dirt that hit her mouth when she tried to talk.
>I told her that we should take shelter in the gremlin and she replied by spitting more sand out of her mouth.
>The two of us sat in front seats of the lemon.  Perhaps now was the best time to level with her.

---

CHAPTER 13: COVENANT

---

>In the heart of the sandstorm me and Nancy sat in the broke down car.  I had ventured out here to find Nancy who ran out of the gas station just in time to be lost in the wave of dust and dirt.  She wouldn't have ran out of the station if I had resisted BB’s advances.  That was in the past now, we were safe in our rusty shelter until the storm was over.  All we had was to wait and wait the weather swirl in front of us like mud mixed with water.
>”I'm glad you're alright Nancy.” I said. Despite the whipping winds smacking the windows it felt awkward and quiet.
>”I'm glad you're alright, too.” She said turning to side window.
>”I kept meaning to tell you about BB.” I said, clutching the steering wheel.
>”Yeah, when we got you out of that trap you told me you licked a cat.  I thought you were just joking or brain damaged…”She looked down and kneed trim of her shirt and continued, “I guess I was too preoccupied in the situation.  Still, you should have brought it up before we made love.  You acted like nothing was wrong. What the hell, Anon?”
>”It's, a little complicated” I started.
>”It's bullshit!” She interrupted. She was still hot about the manner.
>”We weren't really a couple at that time.” I reasoned. She gave me such a strong silent glare that it interrupted me again.
>”Okay, so it was the same night we first… what was that even called? Mutual masterbation?”
>”Hotdogging. I believe that's the technical name.” She said. Her voice didn't have blackened hatred in it anymore, or at least less of it.  
>”Er… yeah. She had been sending me signals all day.  After the fights we hung out for Abit and she, I don't know, gave me a look.”
>”What do you mean a look? It's that easy with you?” She said berratingly.
>”Not like that. It's a sad look, like if you don't do what they ask you'll break their heart.”
>”Don't give me that crap.”
>”I'm serious!  It was the look my grandma gave me.”
>”I'm sorry, what?” She said as she turned to face me at lightning speed. She was confused on a deep level.
>”When my grandpa died, my grandma couldn't bear putting his things in storage.  She instead asked me to do it. She had the same look.”
>”You fucked someone who gave you the same look as your grandma? Really?” She said after a solid minute of silence.
>”It's not like that!  I just thought BB was very lonely and needed me to comfort her.  I don't feel for her like I do you. Also we didn't fuck.” I pleaded.  
>”What the hell does that mean?” She said, she was getting angrier now.
>”I, uh, didn't actually penetrate her vagina with my penis.” I said stiffly. “I just, uh, canoodle her stroodle, I think it's called.”
>”...What?”
>”Topped her latte?”
>”That is not a thing!”
>”Gave her floors a toothbrush scrub?”
>”I'm sorry?”
>”Put stamps on her package?”
>”Anon… stop, please.”
>”Joined her clean plate club” I said. She almost giggled at that one.
>”Okay, okay. Oral stuff. The kind of stuff that tipped me off to this whole thing.  You really didn't put your dick in there?”
>”Nah, I couldn't.  I don't think I could have faced you again if I did.” I said hanging my head, ”I really did think I was helping her. I've never been in a situation where two women would come on to me so strongly.  You, BB--”
>”Ol’ Gran Gran.” Nancy interjected.
>”...I always thought the worst of philanderers but I never realized how hard these situations can be. I'm sorry Nancy, I screwed up.”
>There was a bit of silence before she spoke.  She said in a kind tone, “You are a min-whore, Anon.  I suppose that night I really did leave you hanging on what our relationship was.  I didn't expect you to run off and eat literal pussy before morning.”
>”I should have been honest rather than pretending nothing happened. Fuggles said that with everything it would have been better to ignore it and get on with being a couple.”
>”You probably shouldn't take relationship advice from him. He has had six marriages.” 
>”So, I guess we’re not a thing, huh?” I said. My heart was in my throat but if anything I learned to just say it and get it out of they way.
>”You are a silly, silly man-whore but you are my man-whore now.” She said smiling and patting me on the shoulder.  “Since we are an official couple I don't want any cheating from you.  I don't care how much they resemble your grandmother or if they cry. I don't care if you are popping their pizza or whatever else you want to call it, understand?”
>I nod and chuckle.
>”I assume that is an agreement.  I'll be honest, I really was never going to forgive you but when I learned you marched out here to apologize and got lost I knew you weren't just an asshole.” She said. Something caught my attention.
>”Wait, back up a second. How did you know I was out here again?”
>”When I got back to the gas station they said you ran after me to apologize. You must have gotten blown off course.” She explained.
>”I ran out there because you didn't get to the RVs. I had to rescue you!” I raised my voice.
>”I got to the RVs just fine. My boyfriend had ‘canoodled a doodle’ that wasn't mine, I wanted to sulk for awhile! They were freaked out by you, though. They had lost contact with you.”
>”That's not right. I had this life line.” I said waving the joke Hankey.
>”Yeah, that was snagged on a bush back there. The line has been cut. What's with the get up, anyway? You look like the last scene from Monsters Under the Bed.”
>”Oh, this is all to find you with the lights and bull horn and all that.” I pondered for a minute.  “I think this has been an orchestrated encounter, my dear Watson.”
>”Yeah, I think they took advantage of you there.”
>”Well, you too.”
>”What do you mean?” She said surprised.
>”They dressed me up like a light tower and sent me out. You came back and they sent you out knowing you would easily find me with the lights, noise, and brightly colored Hankey trail.  They dropped that handkerchief line knowing that we would have to stick together and make our way back or take shelter.” I assumed.
>”So that we could have a nice long chat about our relationship issues?” She mused.
>”Except I don't know why they dressed me up and didnt send you out with as much as a flashlight, though.”
>”Ah, they did.” She pulled out a .38 snub nose revolver. “If I couldn't find you I was to fire afew rounds.” 
>”Or maybe worst case you shoot me.” I said with a grimace.
>”I'd never do that! I knew you really loved me and you must have had a good reason... In any case, don't forget the rules!” She teased as she waved the gun.
>The storm was subsiding now, I could make out the skies above us.  I reflected on this strange scheme our friends laid out for us.
>”Our cooworkers are strange people.” I said.
>”Oh yeah!” Nancy said with a chuckle. “They really should not be mixed with the general population!”
>”Nancy… I was wondering something lately. Whenever something happens that you feel some shame about it seems like, I don't know, you react badly to it.”
>”Yeah, I know. It's just I can't stand people questioning my intelligence or how good I am.  It's not like I freak out if anyone gets in my face just people I've known awhile.” She said before facing out the side window again.  She wasn't going to say anything unless I asked, and ask delicately.
>”Nancy, why did you join the circus?” I asked.  I knew just about everyone’s reason for being here but her.  I knew she was from Boston but that was it, really.
>”Why did you?” She replied with clear agitation in her voice.  I realized I had kept as much from her as she did from me.  Leadership is leading by example, I thought, so I'll be the one to break this deadlock.
>”You know I'm a potato farmer, right? My whole family is.”
>”Yeah. You mention it often.”
>”Well, the truth is I hate potatoes. I think they killed my grandad.” I said. Nancy looked at me and for a brief second looked like she expected this to be a joke.  She smacked right into the coldest, hardest stare a farm boy can give.
>”Oh.” She replied. After a second she asked, “How? Why?”
>”You know that big series of draughts we had a few years back? The one that devastated so many crops?”
>”I-I… No, I'm sorry. I don't think I ever heard about that.”
>”Yeah, most people don't. A giant sinkhole can gobble the corn belt and the most the news will say is a five second blurb.  No one wants to know why food prices go up because they couldn't handle knowing it. They don't know how skilled and determined farmers have to be to keep people feed and the GDP flowing.”
>”What does that have to do with you? If you'll excuse my asking.” Nancy said delicately. It was a bit of a change for her.  It made me wonder how I sounded to her right now.
>”My grandad couldn't take it. The crops were dried up to hell. The best government aid could do was get us enough water to keep our fields from outright turning to dust and blowing away, which would have caused another dustbowl, incidentally.” I said, I was veering off topic.  I had to say it straight or not at all.
>”My grandad hung himself.  The farm was on the verge of ruin and he was declining in age. He decided it was better to go than stay.” I said. My chest felt like two gears caught on something. The harder they turned the more whatever it was was mangled.
>”Oh God, that's horrible.” she said.  She was about to say more but my story didn't end there.
>”We looked at his will. He had instructions, precise instructions. We were to sell off every possession he had to help the farm.  He had itemized list and appraisals. He even had plans to bump the price of unused plots of land he had in other parts of the country.  He even had a life insurance plan and instructions to us to use proof he had acquired to argue how his suicide was because of depression and how it would still entitle us to his funds. It was like some grand strategy he planned to win a war.” I said.
>”I don't know how to respond to that.  He killed himself to help save your farm?” She said.  I couldn't hear her anymore, though, as I replayed the events.
>”We followed everything to a ‘T’ and it got us enough to keep the farm.  The next season had a renewed rainfall.” I said.
>”So, it was for nothing?”
>”No, never. He gave everything for us so that our farm could live to see the good times. It was bad, worse than you'll ever know. He saved us.” I kept repeating.
>”So then why do you hate potatoes?” She said.
>I couldn't give her a good answer. I replied, “I don't know.  Every harvest something dark and hard kept creeping in my chest. It kept saying to me to run away from the farm. No plans, no ideas, just run.  Every year it kept getting bigger and bigger in me until I either couldn't move or do what it said.” I paused, “I suppose that's why I joined the circus.  I wanted a job that would take me far away from there and live a life that was day to day.  No more grand schemes that ask us to give our lives that no one will know. No more high level machinations to get some goddamn tubers from seed to the plate, just live and breath.” I said. I felt better telling Nancy this.
>There was a silence between us now.  It was not the silence I was used to, where someone was irritated or prepping to say something awful, but silence like listening to rain on the roof. Dust blowing against the roof in this case.
>”I understand. I joined the circus to be myself, too.” Nancy started.
>”My mother was a drug addict. CPS took me away to live with my uncle and his wife when I was just three.” She said somberly.
>”Oh dear…” Was all I could utter.  I had no idea which way her story was going.
>”My uncle and his wife didn’t like my mother for being an addict.  They told me my mother was putting food on rug for me to crawl up to and eat while she ran off to do who knows what.  My mom was the black sheep of the family. We were from a long line of lawyers, you see.  Yale boys everytime.”
>”That sounds pretty upper crust.”
>”Oh yeah. We spent so much time at boarding schools we wore our uniforms when we were still on home. It was like a PBS drama.”
She said.  I had a question.
>”Who is 'we’? You had siblings?” I asked.
>”My uncle and his wife had a son named Incog. He used to look out for me back then. He was really was a great big brother.”
>”What were they like, outside of your younger uncle? We're the tough?”
>”Tough?” She repeated.
>”Kind of cold?”
>”Cold.”
>”Yeah, something like that?”
>”They were monsters.  To me they were monsters, at least.   They loved implying that I might have been brain damaged because of my mother.  If I got bad grades then it was because of that or if I upset then some other way.” She said with growing irritation. True irritation.  It made whatever foul tone she took with me seem like petty jesting.
>”Did they ever have you examined? I mean if you had a problem then it could be treated.”
>”Oh they did. Every stage of my childhood they had me screened and tested. They found nothing.  I was perfectly fucking normal! I am normal! I will always be normal!”
>”They weren't really the hugging sort, huh?”
>”They weren't.  Incog was.”
>”I’m sorry.” I said.
>”It all came to a head when I graduated.  The worst part was that they gave me a shoe box full of cash. It was payment from my mother to take care of me.”
>”Oh, well, that was nice to save it for you.” I said.
>”They had been telling me up to that point that she had died. They didn't do anything with the money because they thought the money was 'dirty’ because it came from my mother. I applied to Yale and Brown to get in their ballet programs but Yale didn't take me and I only learned later that my parents rejected an offer from Brown. That was it for me, I wanted away from them and their messed up shit. I headed west without any real plan.  Incog helped me now and then until I settled in the Circus.”
>”Have you contacted your real mom? That's an awful thing to keep secret.” I asked.
>”No.  After finding out it was a lie I just wanted to get away. I just keep thinking that if my mom really cared how I was doing then why not try to contact me, you know? There was never any letters and that money she sent means she knew where I was.  I just don't want to think about it now.”
>”Wait, what was that about ballet?”
>”Ah, that. My uncle was so possessed on me having an inferior brain that he thought athletics must be my true talent.  On an unrelated note I turned out to be good at it. My instructors said I had the Achilles' of Atlas and an inner ear of Achilles.”
>”So ballet was good?”
>”Oh God no. Everyone was turning the bitch-nozzle to full. Although dancing helped me feel good. I feel completely independent when I can dance and move.” She said. She didn't add more to that.
>”So your family constantly belittled you? For all my talk about farming taking alot of brains it was never an issue for us, really.  I think our family always considered intelligence more of a time and planning issue than an ability.”
>”For my family, intelligence means how you can cheat and succeed doing it.  I had to prove I was worth something and the only thing worth anything was intelligence.  If I got into a fight they would berate me for getting caught rather than it being good or bad. It wasn't until I ran away did I get to clear my head of all their crap...  I really think they were punishing me for my mom, but I think that's giving them too much credit.” She said.
>We both were quiet now.  The winds eventually died down to just dist devil's crawling along the ground.
>”So where do we go from here?” I asked.
>”We can head back to the station now, I think.”
>”I mean, are we a couple?”
>”Sure, why not.” She said with a shrug. “If only because you tried to rescue me.”
>”Technically I did!”
>”Sure, Jethro.” She said with a laugh.
>Together we left the vehicle and headed back to the station.
>I felt our relationship was salvaged but I remember I hadn't given her a gift.  Still, I had an idea.

---

CHAPTER 14: DEATH

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>The storm had dissipated by the time Nancy and I returned. We were greeted by the joyous cheers of our insane conspiratorial comrades. Perhaps they thought that that since neither of us were shot or injured that our relationship was mended. They were right, but I personally would like to think Nancy and I were back in spite of their antics.
>We left quickly after getting our gas and three 'S’s out of the way.  There was a change in the convoy arrangements with me traveling with the Aile de Airs.  Their bus was luxuriant, even compared to BB’s.  Every surface was immaculately clean and soft to the touch.  Like everything with these guys, what looked like pampering was a careful a careful regime for their act.  Their lounging was practice.  It only took a few minutes before I was asked to take a seat out of the way so as to not disturb them. Still, I had a plan and this was the place to be...
>The convoy travelled on. The red dirty desert crashed against the mountain range, past the mountains was a desert of fine sand, and past that desert was a slightly less barren desert.  We had arrived to the west coast and the state of our next gig. As we set up the carnival, the circus became a carnival when we were in high brow states, I had to set about in double time. Not only did I have to do hoisting this and screwing that but I had to meet my clown allies. I knew that I needed help, the kind of help that sane people would scoff at.
>I spent most of my time off with Nancy.  We’d talk, we’d watch movies, we’d just hang out.  I never felt awkward when a silence fell between us. She had a relaxing effect on me, she was a sort of refuge. Still, we were not very physical with each other.  It made my chest ache, also my groin.  There was a burr on the soft flesh of our relationship and if we didn't do something then it would rip it open.
>The night of the opening Nancy and I sat in her trailer. For once I felt awkward.  I scooted next to her.
>”Nancy, I did something.” I said. Nancy looked back at me quixotically.  She knew I was not setting up to give bad news, if I was I would be more direct. 
>”Oookay?” She said after realizing this was some sort of act. I reached under the the coach and pulled out a costume, it was Nancy’s.
>”Oookay?...” Was again all she could say.  “Do you want to do that thing were couples where each other’s clothes?  Because I don't think my stuff will fit you.”
>”Oh, no. Why would people do that? No, I'm getting side tracked. Here..” I said as I stood up to better demonstrate her suit. “Notice anything different?”
>”No…” She said after a careful inspection. She sat up straight and put her knees together. She was now playing along and anticipating.
>Carefully I fingered the lightbulb off, I pulled a black bulb from my pocket, and screwed it in. The room is bathed in dim purple light while certain colors appear in neon.  In Nancy’s Dancy costume explodes in previously invisible colors and patterns.
>”Oh wow! That's cool!” She said.
>”Yeah, it will look cool on stage!” I said.
>”You mean I'll be in Ails de Air?!” She shouted in disbelief.
>”Yes. That or I'm inviting you to a grateful dead concert.”
>”How? I mean… I don't think I'm good enough.”
>”If you weren't good enough I wouldn’t be standing here with an ultraviolet clownsuit in women’s size.”
>”But really, how? The French don't accept anyone unless they have ridiculous qualifications. Seriously, I saw then turn an acrobat away because her grand mother wasn't an acrobat.”
>”They mentioned that, they said they didn't like her face.  Anyway, don't worry.  All I had to do was sneak off the convoy, hit a local potato grower, intercept the convoy again, use my long history of potatoes to prepare Au Graten in the frenchies Cheat Day, talk you up while the slirp down  the cheese and taters, after that me and the old clowns do up a costume for you in coordination with the show, and finally me and BB blackmail Georg into approving it.” I said in a single breath
>”But, why? I mean, I don't know how to react to all this.”
>”I'll be honest with you, I still felt like our relationship was damaged and I never got you that gift.”
>”Wait, did you do this so you could fuck me?”
>I sat down next to her and said, “I don't really know. Honestly, maybe.  I wanted to help you get to where I thought you were worth and Ails de Air is the height of a dancing career, I figured. Also we haven't made love since that day in the wind storm, it's got me worried about our relationship.”
>”I've been on my period.”
>”...Goats get those?” I said. She responded with condescending silence. “Is that why we haven't…”
>”Yeah, normally I’d take something but I didn’t find anything at that gas station and I will not bring myself to ask someone else to share.  I’ve been a bit distant because if we start anything I swear to god I’d force you to fill me like a bavarian cream doughnut.”  She said.  That last part made my face cycle through an endless cycle of emotions, mostly surprise.
>”Oh, well… Well.” I said confusedly.  Nancy then came forward again.
>”I really have been feeling this gnawing negativity with it.  I just keep thinking you're going to come out yell at me or judge me but you don't.  We’ve just spent time together like everything is okay.” She said. She reached out and took the costume from me.  She looked at it awhile and sighed, ”I don't think anyone has gone through so much effort for me.”
>”Well, I figured actions spoke louder than words.  What is a good boyfriend without treating helping his lady where he can.” I said with so much cowboy bravado you could here a whip crack and smell the fireside chili.  Perhaps it was that my concerns were answered and I didn’t have to worry about Nancy.
>”You really are in this for more than just a good time, huh?” She said clutching the clown suit.  “So what am I supposed to do here? Do I report to them or do they call me?”

>The show was an galaxy of lights and lasers with acrobats flying through the air with perfect precision.  Since it was high-brow it was actually hard to understand what was happening,  I think it was something about an underwater princess… or a story about a family of vampires fleeing communist Germany.  I was not really paying attention.  
>My attention was solely fixed on Nancy.  Her role was a relatively modest one; she would sprint around the main stage trailing a thirty some foot long banner in her wake.  The banner was plain under normal light but patterns would appear under dark light.  Much of the show was under dark light.  Some banners symbolized the ocean, some ushered in the next act.  My only thought was seeming Nancy perform.  I anticipated her to come out every time so that I could see her smile as she performed.
>All too quickly the show ended.  I immediately ran backstage to see her.  All of the cast was back there peeling off the costumes and makeup.  These shows must have been physically intense to perform and feel everyone winding down.  I saw Nancy on the far side of the grotto of makeup mirrors, she waved me over with that same smile.  I waded through the spent frenchies over to her and saw her beckoning me over again, this time behind two curtains on the main stage.  It was just so that all lights were blocked and among the bustle and the many people around us they couldn’t see this narrow alley… All lights except for the dark light again.  Nancy was resplendent with glowing makeup on her face.
>”Did you like the show, Straighty?”
>”I thought you were great, Nanc-- Wait, what?” I asked.
>”It looks like some of your facepaint left residual traces.  Your whole face is green in this light.” She said with a giggle.
>”That would explain some of the looks I got.” I said as I wrapped my arms around her.  Nancy gave a sigh and her warm breath hit me.  We locked in a deep kiss.

>The show was an galaxy of lights and lasers with acrobats flying through the air with perfect precision.  Since it was high-brow it was actually hard to understand what was happening,  I think it was something about an underwater princess… or a story about a family of vampires fleeing communist Germany.  I was not really paying attention.  
>My attention was solely fixed on Nancy.  Her role was a relatively modest one; she would sprint around the main stage trailing a thirty some foot long banner in her wake.  The banner was plain under normal light but patterns would appear under dark light.  Much of the show was under dark light.  Some banners symbolized the ocean, some ushered in the next act.  My only thought was seeming Nancy perform.  I anticipated her to come out every time so that I could see her smile as she performed.
>All too quickly the show ended.  I immediately ran backstage to see her.  All of the cast was back there peeling off the costumes and makeup.  These shows must have been physically intense to perform and feel everyone winding down.  I saw Nancy on the far side of the grotto of makeup mirrors, she waved me over with that same smile.  I waded through the spent frenchies over to her and saw her beckoning me over again, this time behind two curtains on the main stage.  It was just so that all lights were blocked and among the bustle and the many people around us they couldn’t see this narrow alley… All lights except for the dark light again.  Nancy was resplendent with glowing makeup on her face.
>”Did you like the show, Straighty?”
>”I thought you were great, Nanc-- Wait, what?” I asked.
>”It looks like some of your facepaint left residual traces.  Your whole face is green in this light.” She said with a giggle.
>”That would explain some of the looks I got.” I said as I wrapped my arms around her.  Nancy gave a sigh and her warm breath hit me.  Her soft fur and the warmth of her body had me staggered now. We both went in and locked in a deep kiss.
>My heart in an instant rattled quickly.  One hand feeling around to open Nancies costume while the other ripped buttons and threads off my own clothing.  Her body pressed up against mine felt different this time.  I grazed every curve of her body with fervor.  It felt different this time, like I owned her body.  No, that was not it.  It felt like it was mine, that it felt right.  Like pure water making passionate love to this woman here and now was the right thing to do.
>”I want to feel it.” She said in a moan.  She pulled my manhood from my pants and put it all in her mouth.  She wriggled her tongue to massaged and and clamped down with her jaw.  I could feel it as well:  Blood pumping into my holy spear with the rhythm of my heart.  With each beat it got bigger and bigger until I swore the skin became taught.  I pulled her up and looked deep into her eyes.
>”Do you want to do it?  I mean, with yesterday…” I said.
>”I have a condom.” she said,  I looked down to see she had slipped it on me with speed and deft movements. I looked up to see her lovingly say, “Fuck my brains out.”
>I lifted her up, she kicked her legs to either side, and I slipped her on my penis perhaps a little to quickly.  She bit into shoulder and gave a deep moan.  Her arms around me she took initiative and pulled herself up and down on me in rhythm.  I held her thighs to help and tried to find our center.  Her vagina was wet and hot and to me it was perfect.  We built up so much sweat that our clothes were sagging off.  Nancy wrapped herself around me and as we pounded away chest to chest I could feel her heart and mine. Despite our passion the position took alot of energy.
>”More, on your back.” She said, I was happy to oblige.  She barely dismounted me and kept rocking away in the cowboy position.  She leaned so far back her head reached my ankles, my member was pressed against the forward of her wall and she let out another moan.  I felt renewed hungry love for her and started humping her.  She yelped in surprise and tried to prop herself up some to ride out my length.  Her legs quivered and she mouthed the words, “‘I lerv you.’” Or what I could make out.
>That was it for me.  I had no other thoughts than my love for Nancy.  No care or fear.  I brought her up, turned her around, grabbed her by the horns and again entered into her.  Her backside was shapely, soft, and inviting. She had to stand on my toes for our love ordinance to meet.  I started slow again and with pace and whispered into her ear, “Remember when we first met?”
>”God… I wanted you even then.” She said between moans.
>”I really liked you as well.” I said.  We turned and gave a deep, passionate kiss again.
>”...We’ll keep working on that.” She said with a snort which was caught midway with another moan.  Her knees trembled and she whispered, “Do it.” over and over. It was entrancing. That was it for me.  I loved Nancy and I exploded into her.  
>We stayed in that position. I cradled  her stomach while she caressed my cheek. 
She wanted to say like with my member still inside her. We we're  in our own universe behind this curtain. Whatever would happen to us I swore in that moment that I would never leave her side.
>Just then the curtains pulled back and a spotlight showed right on us.  I dropped Nancy and she fell into the shadows and froze. I could hear people saying “Straighty."

>All I could do was smile and wave.

The End!