Weird Waifurs Wednesday 18th of December 2019 04:08:13 PM CDT Ideas from the thread Crustaceans ----------- Pistol Shrimp >This claw ain't just for mating, acts like a natural stun gun >Pretends to be a cowboy >Probably works as a mall cop because she can't hold a real gun with her specialized hand Giant isopod >Not actually that big despite her name >Thicc shell comes in handy because she's kind of clumsy >Unusually fond of doritos Yeti Crab >Rare combination of hard shell and floof >Accustomed to living under immense pressure and overwhelming darkness >She's probably hiding serious depression Japanese Spider Crab >Long legs and long arms means you're always within her reach >Probably a massive fucking weeb >Uses her long thin pincers like chopsticks Mitten Crab >Floofy claws for the lewdest handholding >Burrows underground when nervous >Chinese rival to otherwise oblivious spider crab Halloween Crab >Spooky all day every day >Maybe too spooky >Literally always counting down the days until halloween Coconut Crab >Oh lawd she thicc >Spends a lot of her time on land and climbing shit despite being a crab >Totally unaware of her size Hermit Crab >Small and lithe >Greedy little kleptomaniac fucker >She shares a portion of the stolen loot with you Mantis Shrimp >Can see more colors than you and enjoys making art >Don't upset her too much, she could be a champion boxer if she tried >Spends most her life indoors, insists she doesn't need to travel if she's seen it on TV Mitten Crab >Floofy claws for the lewdest handholding >Burrows underground when nervous >Chinese rival to otherwise oblivious spider crab Halloween Crab >Spooky all day every day >Maybe too spooky >Literally always counting down the days until halloween Coconut Crab >Oh lawd she thicc >Spends a lot of her time on land and climbing shit despite being a crab >Totally unaware of her size Hermit Crab >Small and lithe >Greedy little kleptomaniac fucker >She shares a portion of the stolen loot with you Spiny Lobster >Got regular hands >Self conscious about lack of claws >Ribbed for your pleasure Horseshoe Crab >Got back armor and a spike tail >Prone to falling over and can't get up >Talks about how her great^3048104 grandmother told the last trilobite to suck her spike constantly Krill >Has a mild hunchback >Can eat herself out >Loves being in crowds Pea Crab >You could probably carry her around in your backpack she's so small >As a woman of her species, she is proud of her translucent shell, and displays that her heart does in fact beat for you >Will latch onto your body for cuddles, and refuse to let go Christmas Island Red Crab >Fan of bright red dresses, lipstick, and wine >Expect her to bring her closest twenty friends with you on vacation >Becomes a surprisingly dedicated mother Volcano Shrimp >Even if she's small, her bright red color is easy to spot >Calm and low maintenance, always acts like she's on a hawaiian vacation >Decorates her apartment with a mix of dashboard hula girls and polished igneous rocks "Bugs" ----------- Firefly >A nice light at night >Flashes signals in public about how horny she is >Aroused when you rapidly turn your flashlight on and off Trapdoor Spider >Conspiracy theorist with immense paranoia >House is guaranteed safe at least with all the elaborate traps she sets up >Will ambush you with cuddles Harvestman >Legs for days, weeks, months, and years >Has to reassure you it's okay when you scare her and a leg pops off >Asks you to call her "Mommy Long-legs" Antlion >Shut-in NEET >Has a knack for getting what she wants to come to her >Good luck getting away once you're in her house Cicada >Sleeps for most of the day >Screams >Fucks >Both at the same time >Sleeps again Boulder mantis >Has a chronically bad rash that always comes back >Enjoys impressing people with her ability to grab stuff from across the room >Will never lower her final defenses to allow someone to become close to her Stick Bug >The definition of STICC >With her size she pretends to be a small tree when nervous >Embarrassed that since she moved, she no longer looks like the local trees Gall Wasp >She always has an apple for you >Seriously, you could swear she eats nothing but apples >Surprisingly short and gentle for a wasp Amazonian Giant Centipede >Oh yeah, she's a big girl >Loves to wrestle whether happy, sad, or mad >Extremely protective helicopter-mom when she has kids Scarab >Beautiful iridescent shell >Acts like royalty >Probably the only woman aroused by a mummy costume Peach Weevil >Sticks her long nose into everything, people call her a pest >She's got that peach bottom >Tries to get you to go to her synagogue Antilles Pinktoe Tarantula >Feels the need to act tough because of her borderline clown coloring >The aforementioned clown look combined with her being a spider makes her unpopular with children >Actually just wants to be accepted for the softie she is deep-down Atlas Moth >Largest type of moth and she knows it >Big antennas to know where you are in the dark >Prepare for embarrassing mothra cosplay Jumping Spider >Extra, extra, extra small, too short to drive so she simply runs everywhere. >Even with her low weight, she jumps into your arms hard enough to make you stagger >Would rather use energetic hand gestures than talk most of the time Bed Bug >A plush bug who loves to cuddle all day in bed >Good luck getting her to do anything outside of bed >Somehow both incredibly dependent on you and impossible to get rid of Giant Forest Scorpion >Get ready for the BBC, Big Black Claws >Despite her massive size and fearsome appearance, she's surprisingly calm and nice >Often tries to hide in places she can't even fit Malaysian Exploding Ant >Literally explosive temper >Would die for what she believes in, so not a good idea to talk politics with her >A surprise marriage proposal might actually kill her... and you if you're standing close enough Whip Scorpion >Although she has normal hands, she has an extra pair of very long arms with tiny hands >Enjoys how uncomfortable she can make you by stroking you with her baby hands from across the room >Absolutely cannot handle being teased back Common Clothes Moth >Wears a wide array of equally ragged clothes from thrift shops >May or may not be actually stealing the clothes >Pretty sure you caught her sniffing your clothes when you invited her over Leaf-cutter Ant >Expect to live in the scenic countryside and help her run the family farm >However, running a mold farm is a little different than what you might be expecting >Although you have to wake up at the break of dawn, she cooks an elaborate breakfast every morning with some freshly milked honeydew from the aphids Yellow Crazy Ant >Jesus, fuck, calm down >Actively hates other ants, and just about anything that moves that isn't you >Taking you to shady underground cage matches is her idea of a nice date Honeypot Ant >She's as thick and sweet as the honey she loves to eat >Can be hard to tell if she's pregnant or just destroyed a pot of honey >She may not produce milk, but she assures you she can give you something a whole lot sweeter Bullet Ant >No one fucks with her despite her small size >Could easily bring the largest dude you know to his knees in a single bite >Don't laugh at her tiny biker jacket, or she'll have to watch over you the next few days while you recover on her couch Meat Ant >Unique because even as a queen, she only wants a single mate >Despite her regal demeanor, she'll turn a bucket of chicken into bones in a couple minutes >Deeply enjoys trying "commoner" things with you like riding the bus or visiting a fast food place Weaver Ant >Looks like a DnD druid because she weaves her own clothes from silk and leaves >Makes a surprisingly decent living off of selling her creation on Etsy as "Organic" and "All-natural" >As a quiet artist type, expect her to hide in her leafy hood when confronted with social interactions Diving Bell Spider >Loves to go diving with you and explore the depths >Expects you to live in her underwater house made from nothing but her silk, determination, and amateur carpentry skills >I hope you liked Rapture from Bioshock, because she intends to spend about 99% of her life underwater with you Giraffe Weevil >Embarrassed her especially elongated neck makes her look like a man in her species >Rubbing said neck evaporates her insecurities as she cuddles into you >Don't be surprised if you call her attention, but she just keeps doing what she's doing while simply craning her neck to bring her head to you Assassin Bug >She's loaded, but you don't know what she does for work. She always comes home late not wanting to talk about it and simply unwind with you. >Has an extensive taxidermy room... a lot of them disconcertingly not from wild animals, but she assures you they are all "for medical study" or "ethically sourced" >You're afraid to ask why she seems to add another one to her collection whenever she gets back from work Worms ----------- Leech >Works as a sketchy nurse at something vaguely resembling a hospital >Tends to suck your wallet as well as your actual blood >At least she does her best to take special care of you afterwards in exchange Molluscs ----------- Octopus >Master of disguise, she has better camouflage than a chameleon >Absurdly flexible and unusually intelligent >May or may not be a covert agent Giant Squid >Mysterious, despite her massive size you don't know where she lives or even what her name is >You better have a thing for tentacles >A powersaw couldn't even get you out of one of her hugs Antarctic Mangapinna Squid >Like 30 feet tall when fully extended >Thinner than you unless her fins are unfolded >You gotta get a really big bed >Kinda just looms 90% of the time silently doing weird shit with her 27 foot long leg/arms Zebra mussel >Tough shell hides her emotions as well as her Russian accent >Has a habit of bumming around wherever she isn't wanted >She got that good succ though Vampire Squid >Borderline phobic of daylight >Amateur hypnotist with her glowing tentacle-tips >Can shoot bioluminescent ink, tends to make sex in the dark a light show Banana Slug >Large and chill, you could use her as a beanbag >Moves nearly as slow as a sloth, be patient >Probably the only person who finds "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" funny anymore Giant Snail >Big >Thick >Cuddly >Knows how to take care of a home instinctually >For something that secretes slime, she knows how to be clean and keep things clean >Chill >Eating veggies has never been more terrifying >If she sees salt in her own home, she WILL break a motherfucker Cnidaria and other weird ones ----------- Siphonophorae >She's uh, kind of strange looking, borderline eldritch so she wears heavy clothes >Actually a collection of smaller women acting as one unit >You are essentially dating a bunch of womanlets in a trench-coat Sea Cucumber >Even as an anthro, you have trouble telling if that's her face or her ass >Good news is, her standards are low enough for anyone in this thread >Almost depressing how low her standards are Crown of Thorns Starfish >Eats all the good stuff in the fridge without asking >Edgy physically and socially, so it's difficult to approach her physically or socially >Once she likes you, she's damn hard to get rid of, though she'll never address the fact she spends all her time with you Piure >Pushing the limits of anthros, she basically looks like a feminine Rock golem >Don't worry, her interior is more than soft and plush enough... if concerningly red >Considered to be a delicacy in her home of Spain, she can't wait for you to "sample her flavor" Mammals ----------- Koala >Borderline comatose >Picky eater >She loves to hold onto your back as she sleeps Tarsier >Gets wild at night >Only has eyes for you >Oh god though, her staring can get to be too much Wooly Pig >She got the floof and the fat >Almost unbearably warm >Passerby may call you a sheep fucker Desmostylia >Loves being the water, doesn't actually know how to swim >Eats only 1 thing >Has a blood feud with the manatees Teacup Poodle >full grown is knee height to humans >compensating personality in every aspect >a single hamburger would be her entire daily calorie requirement >you obviously can’t fuck your teacup poodle waifur >but she’s fluffy and soft and fits in your backpack Llama >Long neck with all the fluff you could ask for >Owns and regularly uses a spittoon >Vague south american accent she tries to hide Musk Deer >Wears a lot of fancy perfumes >Always dresses as a vampire for halloween >The right cologne will attract a swarm of these girls, so she's torn whether to encourage it or not Jaguarundi >Shy and elusive, only feels comfortable around you >Often get's funny looks looks in public followed by whispers of "What kind of cat is that?" >Active and fun-loving in private, hides in an oversized hoodie otherwise Flying Fox >Is actually a bat, upset if you call her a vixen >Vegetarian who loves fruit >Can easily wrap all of you in her large wings like a blanket... a leathery blanket Narwhal >Unique tooth makes kissing difficult, but she tries anyway >Total nerd who speaks with a lisp >Seriously has princess and unicorn stuff in her room even as an adult Harp Seal >Ungodly thicc, absolute unit >Loves to cuddle and keep you warm >Extremely naive and unable to identify danger Tibetan Fox >Was bullied for looking weirdly square in middle school >This makes her insecure about her winter fluff >Has a lot of huge bear friends that visit Bowhead Whale >A very big girl >Wears a comically large bow on her head, insists this is a coincidence with her species name >Proportionately huge mouth to kiss most of your body at once Antelope Squirrel >Switches between being up all day and all night, her sleep schedule is a mess >Likes to hoard in case of emergencies, has several bug-out bags buried in the desert >Despite her fur she's bright eyed and bushy-tailed on even the hottest day Dik Dik >Oh lord she is small >Insecure about the fact she's an antelope but often gets mistaken for a rabbit >Monogamous, loving, housewife Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel >The epitome of kawaii, holy shit >She got the big anime girl eyes >Definitely believes she's going to become a magical girl one of these days Japanese Serow >As a national symbol of Japan, she is an extreme nationalist >Would actually say "White piggu go home," but turns into a stuttering mess around anyone above 6ft > Heightened senses, always spots you before you spot her Long Eared Bat >Smol with ears nearly bigger than her head >Jokingly rounds the corner to say "Heard you were talkin' shit!" while putting on an embarassingly bad "tough guy" act >Spends most of her private time curled in a dark corner with headphones Golden Mole >She literally digs through the sand like a looney tunes character >Absolutely blind, but she can find you through footsteps alone >When she goes into heat you better walk without rhythm, or risk getting pulled underground Antarctic Fur Seal >Fur and fat combined, you'll never want to leave the bed with her cuddles >Likes the idea of inviting every girl she knows into your bed at night >Hates if you laugh at her clumsy flopping movements on land Sun Bear >Living in the shadow of the panda, she's largely given up in many aspects >Dresses in whatever she has, talks about whatever enters her mind, and even moves strangely...she's unique >As odd as she is though, she loves you unconditionally for spending time with her Asian Otter >Strong family values, hopes to start one with you right away >When she enters heat, expect to be dragged into the bathtub for the whole night >Lack of claws gives her greater dexterity for work at her sweatsh-, factory Ant Hyena (Aardwolf) >Mane rises when she feels threatened, essentially spawning a mohawk on her head >No quickies, expect to be in bed with her for the long-haul every night >Wants to share her food with you, so you better be able to eat insects without making a face Javan Ferret Badger >Smol, but she has that badger fighting spirit >Don't boop the bright pink snoot, or she will spend the rest of the day trying to show she's ferocious and NOT adorable >Long and flexible, don't be surprised if she ambushes you from any nook or cranny in your house Baiji >A small, nearly blind dolphin, but she can echo-locate decently >Her waters have recently been repurposed for the good of the Chinese people, so she has nowhere to stay but with you >Don't worry, if you leave her and she fails to support herself, the contents of her body will also be repurposed for the good of the Chinese people Tapir >Casually walks up to you just to sniff your face with her stubby trunk >Commonly dresses like a slob simply because she doesn't care >Whistles and cat-calls you whenever you pass by her just to get your reaction Birds ----------- Cuckoo >Shy and introverted >No problems with kids Kiwi >Smol but thicc >Nearly blind, she depends on you >A little afraid to have kids, but the government will pay you for it Dodo >Never got tested, but you're pretty sure she's legally retarded >Incredibly sweet regardless, wouldn't hurt a fly >Almost comical how frequently she endangers her own life Hoatzin >Beautiful bird, striking outfits, dazzling feathers >But why is she so desperate to have you as a boyfriend? >Stinks like a competitive melee player (which she may or may not be) Toucan >Impractical to kiss >Deeply sympathizes with the Trix rabbit/>Hates fruit loops >Regularly decks you with her beak >Trips easily >Good dancer Shrike >Has meat hooks in the fridge >Bow Hunter >Loves playing DOOM for RIP AND TEAR Emperor Penguin >Tall and lean >Melts like butter if you call her "Your Majesty" >When excited she slides to you on her belly European Starling >Funny accent despite living in America for years >Whether it's fighting, having fun, or functions most would consider private, she'll bring her closest ten or twenty friends along >Has a habit of stirring up trouble and leaving, often making a lot of enemies Barn Owl >Pale white face with large dark eyes, commonly mistaken for a ghost or an alien >Always wants to watch X-Files and sci-fi movies from the 90's, cuddling on the couch late into the night >Silent most of the time, only speaks when necessary Kingfisher >Her fishing hat and colorful floral shirts made you think she was a chill person >In reality she's a wild woman who practices spear fishing and threatens to stab anyone who wrongs you >Kissing can be difficult when she regularly sharpens her beak Golden Pheasant >Absolutely loaded rich girl who likes to wear the most drab clothes as possible >Blonde hair and bright clothes is enough to drive her wild >Says she walks rather than flies most of the time to keep her wings from getting dirty, but you're pretty sure it's so she can spend more time with you Kakapo >She's a little too thicc to fly, and quite clumsy, but she's especially smart even if it doesn't always shine through >Incredibly, incredibly endangered, so the government will pay for any children. She expects you to follow her people's bizarre fertility rituals though. >Incredibly long lifespan, looks forward to growing old with you Emu >Won't stop bragging about her parents beat the Australian government in total war >Has no idea how a gun works, yet likes to wear camo and other vaguely military dress all the time >Long neck to bend down and kiss you with Puffin >She talks with a cute Icelandic accent >Spends much of het time travelling for work but wants to settle down somewhere with you >Has a weird habit of holding a lot of food in her beak to snack on later or share with you White-bellied Sea Eagle >"A life at sea be the one for me," expect her to talk like a sailor >Swears like a sailor too, so be careful where you bring her >You'll have to match her skill and grace in an elaborate dance to plunder her booty, which is considerably easier whenever she's hammered on grog Reptiles ----------- Komodo Dragon >She big >Not actually a dragon >Brushes her teeth frequently, otherwise kisses become lethal Argentinian Tegu >Thickest tongue in the west >Strongfat chonk, loves a neck massage >Attempts to eat everything that isn't dirt, probably has a fast food addiction Gecko >Quiet and smol, hard to spot sometimes >Can climb almost any wall, making her even harder to find >You always have to be prepared for her to suddenly pop-up and kiss you Chameleon >She's got her eye on you... and the other on her phone at the same time >You didn't know long-distance kisses were a thing until now >Extremely expressive with her changing colors Bearded Dragon >Blank Stare like 90% of the time >Acts like cat when not staring into the abyss >If you spook her she blows up with spikes Green Basilisk Lizard >Active jogger on the beach >Except she literally runs on the water >Insists you swim fast enough to keep up with her African Fat-Tailed Gecko >Oh yeah, the tail is phat >Celebrates Kwanzaa despite knowing next to nothing about Africa >Can lose her tail when scared, but it always grows back thicker than before Rock Rattlesnake >Mexican stereotype, she uses her rattle like a maraca >Says she makes a living selling oranges by the road >You're pretty sure she actually uses her camouflage to move another kind of "rock" across the border Flying Snake >Tall and thin, definition of a beanpole girl >Always wants to take you rock or tree climbing >Takes pleasure in leaping onto you from huge distances away just to wrestle you Draco Lizard >Although she's a small girl, she puffs out her large bright wings to intimidate >She also does this to escape, the first time you met her she abruptly unfolded her wings and hopped away >If you upset her she pouts and a third flap on her chin unfolds Horned Lizard >Although quite prickly, she has a soft underbelly waiting for you >For this reason you have be the little spoon, even if she's noticeably smaller than you >If you upset her too much, her glasses fly off in a squirt of blood, so try to avoid teasing her Thorny Devil Lizard >Small spiky ball of hate >Living her life this way has starved her for physical affection as well as the romantic >Tells you to "Fuck off" the first few times you compliment her, but with persistent interest she will do a 180 and go full embarrassingly lovey-dovey Galapagos Tortoise >Thick body with a thicker shell, has trouble fitting through some doors >This also means she's not the fastest mover, but she never gives up >Likes to bridge the distance between the two of you faster by stretching her neck to kiss you Tuatara >As primitive as they come, occasionally relapses into caveman behavior >It literally takes her more than 20 years to become interested in sex, so "inexperienced" is putting it lightly for her >Her species is so unevolved the males don't even have anything resembling a dick, so she's very interested in yours Amphibians ----------- Cane Toad >Eating her out may kill you, but she asks for it anyway >Demands a very large family, and quickly >Usually gets her way (and sometimes yours) through "I'd like to see the manager" tactics Japanese Giant Salamander >"Am I kawaii? Uguuuuu" >You have to lie about her being cute or else it will crush her >Tries to dress cute despite the fact she's massive Giant Chinese Flying Frog >Despite her size she can make a pretty impressive long-jump, and she's very proud of that >Less flying competition after the four pests campaign nearly genocided them, she refuses to answer if she participated in it >Makes petty excuses to cook large chinese dinners for just the two of you Oriental Fire-Bellied Toad >As bright and colorful as the finest silks in China >Despite being a toad, she loves to go swimming in the perfectly clean Chinese waters with you >Emits toxins through her legs when frightened, always afraid it will look like she wet her pants Fish ----------- Electric Eel >Has a mystical level of sense with electrolocation >Believes she is a witch because of this >Hope you're into electrostimulation, because she will likely cast thunderbolt on you in bed by accident Hammerhead Shark >Insecure about the fact that she can't see you when you're right in front of her >She has electroreception, so at least she knows you're there >Desperate for a hat that will fit her head Lanternfish >A little woman with large eyes, has a habit of watching you for an uncomfortably long time >Glows in the dark beautifully so she never needs a flashlight >Glimpses of strange lights in the corner of your vision may mean she's stalking you Greenland Shark >Patient and doting, especially for a shark >You better be into GILFs, because she's looked like one since she was a child >Will easily outlive you and visit your grave daily Hagfish >Insecure about her looks so she acts especially clingy >Constantly excreting slime... at least you'll never need lube again >She could literally fill a bathtub with slime in seconds if you scare her, so you better have a lot of cleaning supplies at home Moray Eel >Always looks scary without trying to >Enjoys ambushing you to pull you into cuddles >Banned from every seafood buffet for miles Pirahna >Smol but has the fighting spirit of an angry crackhead >Eats more than you despite being half your size >Overly protective of you to the point of starting fights Spotted Wobbegong >Red-blooded Australian >Frequently complains when cunts don't recognize her as a shark >Little tentacles around the mouth makes kissing considerably more intense Seadragon >Shy sticc nerd whose little camouflage leaves are always trembling >Normally too shy to speak >Very into roleplay, can get very assertive once she's in-character as her cringey dragon OC Chinese Rice Fish >Small and stout, a humble rice farmer >Very good at her job, other farmers invite her in hopes of a plentiful harvest >Occasionally "volunteers" for classified experiments, but she's just happy to come home to you alive Dinosaurs/Other Extinct Things ----------- Hesperornis >Legs are all fucked up so can't walk normally, needs to go round on a skateboard >Really good swimmer, would spend all day in the pool if she could >Jealous of penguins Drepanosaurus >Wicked dangerous claw on her hand >Deadly stinger on her tail >Actually just hangs out with the sloths and possums all day Sharovipteryx >Puts a lot of effort into "proving" her method of gliding is the best >Is really obnoxious with her argumentation style >Will melt in the arms of anyone who agrees with her Cotylorhynchus >Dumb as a brick and fat as ur mum >Talks really slow and never stops eating >Literally incapable of understanding sex, pure as an angel Fictional ----------- Night stalker >Walks on her hands so she's always presenting >Blind but smell and hearing are so good she always knows what you're doing >Likes scaring you by leaping at you from the dark Nasobema lyricum >Very motherly and wants lots of kids >Never sits still, always on the move >Always sneaking her tail down your pants Spink >Basement dwelling nerd >Afraid of the sun >Desperate for romance Muck >Really let herself go in recent years >Self-conscious about her shed scales >Will never be able to work up the will to reach her previous peak Fungus ----------- Cordyceps >This ant looks a little funny... >Basically dating a zombie >Things get confusing whenever she finds a new host for the next date Unsorted -----------